Drawings with a red pencil

The other day Mia was in one of her wonderful moods where she just amused herself and delighted me with her drawings which she presented every so often. The first was a picture of "daddy playing (touch) rugby". Interesting to see the new style of drawing with the t-shirt top and shorts. Mia asked me how to write "and" which features throughout this set of drawings.


Next she returned with a drawing of "daddy and the ambulance", complete with stretcher in the back (and patient). I love it!


Then she went off to draw me playing volleyball. Interesting to note the rugby posts in the background in the volleyball picture and the vollayball net in the rugby one! Lovely attention to detail in the ball shape for rugby as opposed to volleyball.



Then, since she'd drawn Dad in his workplace, she decided to draw me in mine. I think this is my favourite drawing. I am tucked into a little room with an L-shaped desk - perfectly depicted here, along with my computer and mouse.



Mia then decided to draw herself and her brother, Joshka, jumping on their trampoline, which incedently is 12ft round with a safety net around it...



Followed finally by a drawing of the park down the road: slide, swing, roundabout etc where Mia and Joshka like to play.

Done.

I did it. I closed the door and ignored the crying. I left Ben in charge of the children and I did the things that have been needing to be done. I've been trying to get a website design finished for ages, but there has been some debate about switching host companies and I've had to wait while all that negotiation goes on. I've been meaning to get a few things done, but just never seemed to make the time. I needed a decent amount time to get back into the project and I managed that today. It was actually only a couple of hours, but it felt like a whole day! Great to get in the zone and deflect the guilty feelings that creep closer.

heavy legs

I get this weird feeling in my legs - like a wobbly or almost ticklish sensation. I'm sure it's all mental, but I recognise it as a sign that I'm stressed or leaning towards being a bit depressed (weird!). It makes me just want to sit down, not move, and be quite anti-social. Of course this isn't always possible - especially when I'm the mother alone at home with the kids on a holiday (today). So I kind of carry on throughout the day - almost like wading in mud. Heavy legs, just wanting to sit down - maybe even lie in a hammock, just swing... and get over it. Today I tried to distract myself from it and fool myself into getting things done, but it has to be said it was quite an effort. I think it stems from dreading doing the cooking...can that really be all it is?! I do dread doing dinner, really. I just don't enjoy it! No aptitude for it. I'm learning, of course, but it doesn't bring a heap of enjoyment to the table (please excuse the pun). It's quite a difficult thing to admit - I don't enjoy it and it stresses me out.

Looking back on the day I did manage to achieve something though. The usual load of washing with hundreds of itsy bitsy things to hang up, general tidy up (don't know why I bothered - can't tell now, it all has to be done again, tomorrow), a bit of a crossword puzzle, baked some chocolate brownies, went for a drive with the children to the forest where we meandered around in no particular hurry, went shopping for some plants to make a hedge, came home and planted the veggie garden, watered the garden, fed and bathed the kids... and now thankfully Ben is home and has taken over the task of dinner. I grilled some venison sausages which I served to Mia and Josh with some mashed potato from the other night and some mixed veggies, followed by some juicy, fresh pear, but for Ben and myself... Not enough mash...maybe some stirfry vegetables? Anyway, he's taken over the job and I can hear him chopping something. And I'm so grateful.

Actually what I'd really like is to really, really spend a day getting back into some design work- without the distractions of little fingers pressing computer keys or little bottoms needing wiping or gardens needing planting or bills needing paying... I just want some time to switch on my brain again - to get some creative energy flowing. I don't want to be an old hack just being a lazy and patching some things together - I want to enjoy it and be amazed by it. "It" being some creative process, I think.

Back on track.

It's a bit like wearing your shoes on the wrong feet: it's possible, just not quite as practical or comfortable and it doesn't look, or feel, nearly as good. I'm talking about being on the pc while my mac was under repair. It's not to say I wasn't grateful for having a 2nd computer to jump on to check up on what I was missing, but I'm happy to report that, yes, I am happily back on my mac, nothing lost, some experience gained, and a definite amendment to my list of addictions! Hip hip hooray for my lovely mac, who's back.

Well received.

The letter I wrote to Mia's kindergarten was well received. The head teacher (who I addressed the letter to) called me aside and wanted me to confirm her suspicions of which teacher(s) I had been referring to and did acknowledge that due to many factors things had not been picked up, but she thanked me for keeping them on track: " I love it that you wrote that" was what she said. I had hoped she would take it the best possible way, which I think she did. As it turns out there's a teacher-only day next Tuesday so I'm sure the subject will be on the agenda. Furthermore I volunteered that my mother give them a pep talk on the topic of young children and drawing when next she's here (May 2009) which was also well received.

I'm glad I wrote it down and delivered it. Better than the verbal route which sometimes gets me emotional and tongue-tied!

Waiting.

I'm biding my time...waiting for the phonecall to come about my mac and it's state of (dis)repair. It's perfect weather for doing the washing - the load I hung up this morning is already dry and I've just hung up the 2nd load - breezy and sunny.

The boys are asleep - Ben has nightshift again tonight and Josh is all played out after this mornings playgroup activities. I am coffeed and lemon-muffined up and considering whipping the house into shape. It's a disgrace! The garden, however, is looking great! We achieved a lot yesterday although Joshka did his utmost to spread the mountain of mulch around the lawn - climbing up and down and grabbing fistfuls of the stuff to transport somewhere else to be put in a different bucket. Hours of good, dirty fun.

I took myself to the doctor this morning after dealing with a cold for the last 2 weeks. I have to be careful with my chest and asthma (bronchitus/pneumonia...) and I knew I was not kicking it. Already I feel better and hope these drugs do the trick. (Don't worry Mom, I'm onto it.)

Right then, better go and do damage control. My favourite activity in the world. Alongside cooking. Um...NOT.

Garden

Today, with the help of Ben's parents, we are going to 'mulch' the garden. We have lifted (and sold) all the white stones that were here - I quite liked them but they were high maintenance to keep looking clean with all the flower and leaf droppings, and a pain to move around when trying to plant something new. I also have my reservations as to how good they were for the soil and plants. In any case, I weeded the area yesterday, so all we are waiting for now is a truckload of mamaku mulch to lay down over the garden bed.

It's probably a good idea to lay down some newspaper underneath, but since we don't have any, I'm thinking perhaps I should load the car with the recycling and go and PICK UP some newspaper from the depot...cunning plan? Two birds with one stone kind of thing?

Right then. Off to load the car.

A reminder to the teachers at the kindergarten.

Mia came home with some drawings for me yesterday. I've included them here. Just to illustrate the difference between what happens at home and what is happening at school. I could'nt help myself and have just completed a letter to the head teacher of which I include a copy here as well. I just can't say nothing.







Dear Kindergarten Teachers

It is with regret that I am writing this letter, but I hope it will be received in the spirit of better education.

I have noticed recently (more and more) that there are some teacher led activities which involve showing children how to draw something. I refer in particular to a table set out with a teacher-drawn flower which some children were trying to copy, with the teacher present, assisting the process: “…And what about some leaves coming off the stem like this…?”. Considering the plethora of flowers brought in by children for their teachers every day of various shapes and sizes, wouldn’t setting them all upon a table and encouraging the children to look at the real thing be a better exercise? Just the other day my children brought in blue irises which are spectacularly colourful and different to the typical stem, leaf and daisy type flower we all draw now (thanks to having our creativity quashed when we were young and malleable).

I know it can be hard to say no to a child when they ask you to draw something, but we all should try harder.

Where have the informative notices that were on display before gone? The ones about a child’s developmental drawing stages (eg. A circle head with arms and legs. ) They served as wonderful educational tools for parents and teachers alike and were of great reassurance to me to know that we shared the same beliefs. Some of the examples up on display were delightful.

It’s so easy to spot a teacher-assisted or –led drawing, There’s no magic in it.

Similarly, where have the notices and reminders gone about parents/teachers not drawing on the children’s artwork?

I know there have been new teachers arriving over the last couple of terms and perhaps this letter will be the catalyst to revisit the values that I considered vital when I enrolled my children here. This beautiful creative, fresh, innocent and unique creative phase of our children’s lives occurs only now, and I invite you and your team to recognize the value of these expressionist artworks that happen every day and to nurture and cherish them as you did before.

Bodes well.

Since my current sport (indoor volleyball) is played in winter, I tend to be fitter over that time, and suffer a bit over the summer months now that I'm no longer a Camps Bay beach volleyball "local". I used to love cruising down to the beach to see who would arrive - grab a game or two or three before sunset(and sometimes beyond). That all changed with my decision to travel and sadly I've not dabbled with much beach volleyball since. It's been easier to find an indoor club in London (not many beaches there are there!?) and now in Rotorua, which is inland. So winter is it, leaving me with pilates or yoga over summer. Now pilates and yoga are good, but they don't quite get those endorphins going like a team sport.

I tried running, didn't I? Hmm. I can do it around the forest a bit. Can't say I'm liking it much though.

SO. What to do? Well chatting to Maria (of the wonderful reference fame)- she is playing in a netball tournament next February for women aged 30+. The oldest in their team is over 45. I checked to see if I can play too, but Ben's shifts are not favourable over that time and we can't squeeze anymore days out of his leave because we both are planning our overseas trips around it. I asked her and she asked the team coach if I could tag along for trainings (always nice to have more people to train with) and the response was most favourable! Great! For those who are not aware, netball in NZ is huge - very well covered in the press, and Rotorua is full of excellent past and present players. So the standard of coaching and workout is extremely good. Two years ago I played netball and realised I was benefitting more physically from a netball training than from a volleyball training. (Still love vb more though).
I joined them last night and loved it. Hard work! Lots of running around - brutal! But I feel great for having done it. And the girls (women!) all seem lovely, which makes a change from my previous experience - didn't enjoy that group of girls much at all.

All this bodes well for my summer physique! It bodes well for being toned in my red dress! Plus, when volleyball training starts in February, I'll already be cruising - shouldn't suffer any stupid injuries or anything.

Next week the group are meeting at the outdoor pool for some aquajogging. They're really intent on conditioning the bodies (since we all realise we take longer now) and seem to have a brilliant plan for getting the women ready, fit and able for their tournament in February.

Dear Kyla

Dear Kyla
Today I thought of you: I thought how happy and excited you would be for me as I bought my first ever pair of red shoes! I remember seeing your red shoes (that inspired an English lesson)in our London flat and really wanting some RED SHOES! I think every girl wants them. For a while there I thought red was my new blue, and have been drawn to all the red shoes in the shop windows, but none have really been that practical,nor would I wear them much.

The first step to acquiring these red, high-heel shoes, was getting a red dress. Quite by accident, really. I was at Jo's shop having a stress-free play around and trying everything and anything that I fancied even slightly. (I have overcome my fear of fancy shops and trying on way-too-expensive-for-me clothes) (but only in Jo's shop!). I have a wedding coming up in April in Cape Town (just before Lynley and Simon's) which I have decided to go to and it was as good excuse as any to keep an eye out for something special at Jo's shop. She's just got all her summer stock in, so lots and lots of new stuff. Anyhow, I saw a flash of red hanging on the wall and thought how lovely it looked. It's a lovely woollen dress with silk sides - hard to describe, and I won't really bother, but just to let you know I felt like an old fashioned film star in it. A million bucks! Curves and all - it was a perfect fit and I loved it. I loved being IN it! I hadn't even looked at the price to be honest, because at that stage it was still a play around, but standing there in front of the mirror, I felt great about what I was seeing and I was sold. Regardless of price. In any case, I can pay it off gradually and Jo always gives me a discount anyway.

Now don't be jealous girl...but she gave it to me. This beautiful designer dress - she gave it to me in return for the work I'd been doing for her for her advertising and newsletters and things. You know Jo. I mean, I happily do this stuff for her because it's something I CAN give, something I CAN help with. All the time and effort and great food and nurturing we and our children receive from her and it's honestly the least I can do. So I happily accepted my red dress and drove home aglow.

"It's very red" was Ben's response.

"Typical!" I hear you laugh.

Yes, indeed. But I did get the ol' chin up, raised eyebrow approval from him.

This dress isn't really about Ben though and who likes it or who doesn't. It's how I feel in it. I feel like me. Like I used to be. Except with better quality clothes! Nice.

So the hunt for the red shoes began. And ended today. Again I smiled all the way home from Tauranga, even though, by all rights, I should be hanging my head in despair as I await the outcome of my fizzled Mac, which I took to the repair place today (the reason for my trip to Tauranga).

It's not to say I don't think of you every day: I do. Every time I opt for a "big yellow" cup of tea, I think of you and me and flopping on the couch after a long day - after any day really. Anytime too! You get the big yellow mug and I get the big blue. Every time I open the cupboard doors to get either a tea or a coffee, I have to make that decision: coffee or tea? And I smile and think of you.

I still treasure the two matching, blue, Japanese bowls you gave us - only use them for special "Ben and me" things (like chocolate ice-cream tonight). And I look at the little photograph of you in that zigzag, black, nine compartment photoframe thingy and remember how you were going to get me a summer picture (to match everyone else). You are the only one with a fleece and a scarf. That's ok - I like it as it is.

Well, I really just wanted to talk to you, but a letter is the next best thing.
Miss you.
me.

What the hell!?

Away! Away SICK FEELING!
I was just online trying to figure something out (work related) when FFFFFFSSSSSSSSSSST! And dead goes my beautiful Imac. Black screen. Oh help! Oh shit! Something fused because I can hear the alarm beeping like it does when the electricity is down...but hang on, the phone and the lights still work...JUST MY COMPUTER!? AH SHIT.
Have I got a warrantee? Yes. I have a protection plan in place till May 2009. I phoned the number and got through to a nice, patient American voice. We tried a different socket to plug it into - still dead. I have a case number and now I need to take it in to a repair place.
Um, I'm right in the middle of a job - naturally.
Did I do a backup? Did I act on that nagging thought I'd had a couple of weeks ago?
No. Shit.

I'm on the PC now, checking my mail and stuff - and venting here. But why is the PC dipping in and out of power too? A few sizzles and crackles and off it goes, only to (robustly) start up again. What the hell is going on? It's frying my brain! I can't think in situations like this! What does it mean! What do I do now?

I'll report all to Ben when he returns from his morning adventure with Josh. We've enrolled Joshka for a term at the gymnasium - an introduction to gymnastics and all the equipment. We went to a couple of free introductory sessions last term which he loved, so we thought we'd give it a go.

And then this afternoon we can go watch some trampoline magic at the Events Centre - there's a competition on at the moment with the finals on Sunday. OR, I'll drive my poor Mac to Tauranga to the shop I purchased it from.

sniff.

Mia's artwork: Monster

Sadly Mia has been more and more influenced by other people's drawings, throwing complete wobblies when I won't draw her a barbie or a pony. I've noticed her flowers are now typical (teacher influenced) stems with leaves and flowers - not nearly as magical as they were when she drew them with no outside influence. Nevertheless she continues to delight me with the occasional stunning thing, and at the moment it's all to do with letters and words. She's experimenting with them all the time and I just love the graphic appeal of them - like this one of a monster in all the letters.

bits and bobs

My hairdresser is clearly very good. So good, in fact, that no-one notices when she's done a good job of tidying up the split ends and fixing the style. Not husband, nor children, nor friend has noticed a difference - ah well.

Furthermore we had sushi last week, made by brilliant Ben, which went down extremely well. So well that Mia said: "This dinner is SO delicious we don't even need dessert!". Now that's impressive.

I bought two avocados at market yesterday morning, which was a bit surreal, after our avocado surplus for the last few months. The last of our very ripe avocados were finally transformed into guacamole last night marking the end of the abundance.

I made my first roast beef last night accompanied by crunchy roast potatoes - the meat was sadly not pink in the middle, but it's a learning experience. "Le rosbif" sandwiches for lunch this week! ("Rosbif" being on of the few French words ingrained in my mind from my high school French.)

School holidays end today which means life resumes as normal as from tomorrow with people to meet and places to go. It's Mia's final full term of kindergarten (which she still loves) and the start of her school integration. On a Wednesday afternoon all the junior schools have an an afternoon session to get the new intakes used to the surroundings and expectations of 'big school'. Ben and I have been agonising about which school to send her to, but in the end have decided on one of the nearer ones, rather than the nearest Catholic one. We had an interview with the Catholic school (don't get me started on all the ûber kitsch Mary statues and Jesus things around the place) which confirmed that we would be 'non preference' even considering the tenuous link to a Catholic great aunt. It is definitely one of the best schools in the area, but honestly, I can't...we can't, we just can't! We feel so fraudulent trying to get her in there... The school just a little further down the road was also an option, but I wasn't too keen on it since it doesn't have a uniform (and I dread the pressure of looking like a princess every day (not me - MIa!) - plus I think all schools should have a uniform!) but when we had a look around there, we were informed that a uniform will come into effect next year anyway, so that concern was cancelled straight away. It seems very nice and pleasant, and thank god, nothing kitsch or bad taste around, Even the Maori stuff is ok to look at (or maybe I've become 'acclimatised' to it).

I received another phone call regarding a logo design (local again) when my business card was picked up from the printers where I left some on display along with other businesses. "CHOICE!" (as they say in NZ). Pity my 'secretary' didn't pass on the message and the poor woman had to phone again... Nevermind, all good now. Nice to have some business in this economic climate.

MIa is sulking because I won't draw her a Barbie. Nor will I trace around the shape of her Barbie, She is threatening never to get into my bed for a snuggle again. Life is so tough when you have such a mean mother.

Weekend away.

We just spent the weekend in Papamoa at the Page family's beach house. It was a lovely getaway from the day to day routine and so good to feel the sand under my feet and grit in my teeth! Yes, the wind was up, so we sadly didn't spend a lot of time on the beach, but still, just looking up and seeing the waves, hearing them, smelling the sea air and not having any duties or demands, was just lovely. The children loved it, despite the fact that they were indoors a lot of the time - they amused themselves quite well for hours, until Ben's mum took them to her cousin a couple of doors down for a mini adventure. They came back all elated and showing off their newspaper trees and ladders they'd made along with their button necklaces they'd carefully constructed. It turns out Colleen has a huge collection of buttons put aside for exactly such an occasion: to amuse and occupy small children! We had an impromptu visit from Kushla from further down the beach who heard we were all staying the weekend, complete with freshly baked muffins. NICE! No shortage of cake and muffins, tea, coffee, chocolate and laughs.

On Saturday night we had a go at playing Trivial Pursuit (how long has it been!?) - girls against boys (4 vs 3). Girls got whipped. Then we divided into different teams with me pairing up with Ben and his dad. It was a close game but in the end, I was the ultimate loser, losing both games, while Fraser was the ultimate winner. I had had a glass of wine around 4pm which truly had me melting into my chair and giggling at the daftest things - SUCH a cheap date! Ha ha. I collapsed into a fit of giggles when I had to read the question:" Does Uranus have an aurora?" - it was extremely funny (for me). Yes, it turns out, it does.

Sunday night I opted for a beer with dinner, which was much more sensible. There were 4 of us on Sunday night (not including the kids) and we all spent it sitting in the lounge, listening to the surf, reading a book. Hours went by in a comfortable silence, broken occasionally with a yawn. At 8.30pm we were all ready for bed, but hung in there till about 10pm until lights out. Hardly a word was spoken and it was fine. Comfortable. Brilliant.

update on addictions

Ok, so by all rights the asthma pump shouldn't be there if the anti-histamines aren't, right? So, EASY to update: OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE. The best best best best best best best tv drama ever. I'd sooner miss LOST, or BOSTON LEGAL, or DEXTER, or WHATEVER, Outrageous Fortune is the winner.