heavy legs

I get this weird feeling in my legs - like a wobbly or almost ticklish sensation. I'm sure it's all mental, but I recognise it as a sign that I'm stressed or leaning towards being a bit depressed (weird!). It makes me just want to sit down, not move, and be quite anti-social. Of course this isn't always possible - especially when I'm the mother alone at home with the kids on a holiday (today). So I kind of carry on throughout the day - almost like wading in mud. Heavy legs, just wanting to sit down - maybe even lie in a hammock, just swing... and get over it. Today I tried to distract myself from it and fool myself into getting things done, but it has to be said it was quite an effort. I think it stems from dreading doing the cooking...can that really be all it is?! I do dread doing dinner, really. I just don't enjoy it! No aptitude for it. I'm learning, of course, but it doesn't bring a heap of enjoyment to the table (please excuse the pun). It's quite a difficult thing to admit - I don't enjoy it and it stresses me out.

Looking back on the day I did manage to achieve something though. The usual load of washing with hundreds of itsy bitsy things to hang up, general tidy up (don't know why I bothered - can't tell now, it all has to be done again, tomorrow), a bit of a crossword puzzle, baked some chocolate brownies, went for a drive with the children to the forest where we meandered around in no particular hurry, went shopping for some plants to make a hedge, came home and planted the veggie garden, watered the garden, fed and bathed the kids... and now thankfully Ben is home and has taken over the task of dinner. I grilled some venison sausages which I served to Mia and Josh with some mashed potato from the other night and some mixed veggies, followed by some juicy, fresh pear, but for Ben and myself... Not enough mash...maybe some stirfry vegetables? Anyway, he's taken over the job and I can hear him chopping something. And I'm so grateful.

Actually what I'd really like is to really, really spend a day getting back into some design work- without the distractions of little fingers pressing computer keys or little bottoms needing wiping or gardens needing planting or bills needing paying... I just want some time to switch on my brain again - to get some creative energy flowing. I don't want to be an old hack just being a lazy and patching some things together - I want to enjoy it and be amazed by it. "It" being some creative process, I think.