10 April

Today's the day my grandfather (on my mother's side) died 14 years ago. It seemed fitting therefore, to go and visit his grave, as well as the relatively new one of my grandmother, next to him. It was special to be able to go to the graveyard with my grandfather's sister who is turning 98 next week and who is always such a delight to meet. My mother's cousin and her husband (especially armed with a gun should we be accosted by a gang from the bushes) kindly joined us and invited us for an impromptu lunch (a braai! yay!) at their place. It was a lovely afternoon with lovely company.

I was sitting in the company of someone who was telling us stories about when King George visited Stellenbosch - a brilliant story about how the (Afrikaans speaking) mayor of Stellenbosch was clearly so flustered by addressing the King of England to thank him for gracing them with his presence, that the words that left his mouth were " I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart and from my wife's bottom also..." It was especially funny when followed by my great aunt's infectious little giggly laugh. She adds her own theory to the story, that when an acorn fell on Princess Elizabeth's head (on her hat), the King laughed and laughed, finally having an outlet to his (no doubt) stifled laughter at the "wife's bottom" statement. An acorn falling on someone's head can't possibly be THAT funny, she theorises.

Of course it is also said that one is not a true Stellenboscher until an acorn has fallen on your head, so there you go, the current Queen of England is also, officially, a true "Stellenboscher".

Friends and Family

I have been so lucky to see a lot of friends in my short time here in Cape Town and have even bumped into faces I'd never have expected to see. That's one of the things I long for in NZ (unlikely!) so that's nice.

I've seen family too - a quick trip up to Durban to see my Dad and that side of the family. It was quite weird to think that we might not ever meet like that again. My brother intends to move to Australia with his in-laws at the end of the year, leaving a massive gap in the lives of everyone left behind in Durban. Who will be able to answer mechanical questions, get the door to close properly, rescue someone from a giant creepy crawly thing...? "John..!" will no longer result in a helping hand. Everyone knows they will miss him. When he and his family go, other family memebers may follow and everybody will be split up. It will be interesting and I wish him and his family all the best with the move.

Although it was just one quick evening and a morning, I managed to pack in some one on one time with my father while he took me round the circuit at the gym with his carefully researched and planned workout, targeting all the major muscle groups. I'd like to say I kept up, but he's lifting some serious weights...and looking really good for it. Keep it up Dad, you're looking great.

I'm so impressed by my parents who have both, independently, kept up their physical activities at the gym. My father has a scientific approach and my mother loves to feel the beat and dance herself fit in the step class. She's nearly fanatical I think. It's great - she really enjoys it so much. I nearly joined her for a class but opted for a run on the treadmill instead. In NZ I would be running around playing netball twice or three times a week so I thought I should run to keep up my fitness.

*FFFFFffft* (Me deflating) I haven't managed to keep it up, of course. At least I'm trying more than I have in the past though. Let's hope all is not lost in the 17 days I am away.

Soldier.

I met such an interesting man on the plane from Singapore to Johannesburg. He joined the British Army at 18 (after trying to join the Rhodesian army at 17) and has been stationed all over the world. We talked about the Falklands, Iran, Iraq and other places and jobs he’d undertaken (like being a personal bodyguard for the Sultan). He talked about his mission to find those notorious weapons of mass destruction and how, as we all know, none were found. He did say that they’d found 2 million gas masks…clearly an indication that they thought weapons of mass destruction would be deployed against them. He is working in Singapore now (police) after leaving the army once he realized the ‘war against terrorism’ and the search for weapons of mass destruction were all a lie.

I asked him if he’d ever written a book, but alas, he hasn’t. He did recommend “Don’t cry for me Sergeant Major” by Jeremy Hands and Robert McGowan which I’m going to keep an eye out for, citing it as a pretty fair and accurate account of what transpired (in the Falklands).

It was lovely to talk to him and to listen to him despite the fact that I was so extremely, extremely tired. Actually it was better than watching another movie! James Bond kind of paled in comparison…

We discussed how if he won the lottery he’d have four properties around the world: somewhere in central Otago (NZ), a farm in SA (already aquired, and where he and his wife will retire to shortly), a house in the south of France and a house in Penang (Malaysia). Penang was an interesting choice, I offered (delighted by the fact that I know where it is and that I’ve actually BEEN there!). I closed my eyes and listened and was really annoyed that I was so damn tired. I wanted to listen and talk for the entire journey. This, in all my 30 years of airplane travel, has never happened before. I’ve never wanted to talk and talk and listen and talk like that, but in the end I had to excuse myself and try to get some rest.

I really enjoyed his company, but I chickened out of giving him my card so we could keep in touch. Damn. He’s so interesting. I’m going to find that book and educate myself further.

resorting to pen and paper

This is perhaps the hardest thing I've done.

I was excited about getting on the plane - excited about the idea of it, but the reality is hitting hard. I'm singing my children to sleep by their bed (in my mind) - actually I'm humming Frere Jaques aloud in my window seat, under my yellow blanket, with my face hidden under it and the tears are...hot. No-one can hear me over the white noise roar of the engines, not now anyway. But it's getting hard to remain here with every part of me screaming to get up, to send them all a message, to let them know I miss them and love them, very much. I knew it would be hard and I had an uneasy feeling about it. Is this a stupid mistake? Is it worth it? Will these feelings subside?

Perhaps it's because I've just watched 3 movies. They all made me cry. It makes me think back to a question my GP asked: do movies often make me cry? Of course they do. Is it a girl thing? Or is it a sign of depression? Doesn't everybody cry in a movie (in the relevant spot)? I don't know, maybe that's what set me off. Maybe I should just have carried on watching something else - I wouldn't have let these thoughts in, my children would not be filling my mind with their beautiful faces.

I am quite an accomplished flyer - having been at it for ...roughly 33 years. I'm a passenger PRO, but this is the first time I'm doing it by myself since the creation of my children. They were once OF me and now I feel I am leaving something of myself behind. I can feel their pull.

I understand Mom. Just like you always said I would.