Portraits on my wall

I commented on the mug Mia was drinking out of today (it had her name on it). "Do you know who gave you that mug" I asked. She didn't. "It was Kyla."
"Oh..."
"Kyla died last year...she's Lynley's sister..."
"I KNOW, Mummy"
Ok then. We continued with our dinner and after a while, Mia had something to say about death. "When you die and you're underground, you can't brush your teeth, so you get rotten teeth under the ground." Can't really argue with that. I explained how the whole body will eventually turn into the soil that makes the ground. She was impressed. "And when someone dies we can't...if we want to see them... we can't just fly over to see them, 'cause they're dead, " she added. Correct. But I think we can still keep them alive in our minds by talking about them. I think about Kyla a lot. I see all her special little gifts around the house that she chose for me and for Ben and for Mia - all thoughtful and chosen with love. She's not around to reinforce her presence, so I will do it how I can. We have photos of all the family scattered around the house, including one of her, which Joshka and Mia find regularly and play with. Can they name all the people? Not always. But that's to be expected.


Today I completed an art project that has been brewing in my head for a long time. I was inspired by a piece in my sister-in-law's house in Auckland: some stencil work (with spray paint on canvas). I knew I wanted to do something along that line; something graphic, something that requires careful choice of line and shape. Last week when Ben was working a night shift, I looked through all my photographs on my computer, with an eye to make them into something spectacular, something special. Something other than a photograph. I found a few which were less than average photographs in their own right, but which, when manipulated into high contrast pictures became something out of the ordinary. I have been collecting ready-made canvases over the last year (when they were on special...you never know when the creative urge might pounce) and now I had an idea of what to put on them. I bought some spray paint and found some cardboard to cut out my stencils, stuck my printouts on the cardboard with spray glue, and started cutting away bits here and there with my scalpel. My fingers hurt from pressing so hard on the scalpel to get it through the cardboard, but I don't mind it. It's an achieved pain; a process caused it. Much like a good workout when your muscles are so sore afterwards. Anyway, Ben was on hand to distract the kids and to help open the tins of paint (I used the colour of the wall in my lounge as the base coat), get newspaper handy, give advice on technique (he got his head bitten off for that!), recommend waiting for the canvas to dry a little longer, and to encourage me. He liked the project, which counts. Now I plan to hang them on the wall, which is blue, like the canvas.

I had fun! It was so good to get something done...and I hope to do more.