blogtastic

New leaf.

2011-07-30T19:33:00.000+12:00

Not a lot to see here.
Hoping to change all that.
:)

TWEET (nothing to do with twitter)

2009-12-09T11:16:00.002+13:00

With Summer supposedly officially here (interspersed with some rainy, stormy "soup weather" days) the birds are out and singing a lot. I've noticed them more than before this year - especially in our big tree in the front garden. Perhaps the tree is a bit healthier than it has been (after the burning down of the house next door and the subsequent building of the new house it didn't look so great)? In any case, there is a particular bird call which has woken me up for the last 2 mornings which sounds EXACTLY like the washing machine when it beeps (when there's an error and the load needs repacking because it's too heavy on one side): beep beep beep BEEP. Tweet tweet tweet TWEET.

Shows how tuned in my mind is to all the mechanical signals around me.

If I leave my computer volume too high, I also wake up when I hear a telltale 'blip' of an email arriving. Or a whooosh of an email finally leaving. Or a blip-blip of someone coming online...

blob

2009-10-19T20:53:00.004+13:00

it's been 3 months since I injured my foot and let exercise take a back seat in my life. I can feel it. The scale has been under a pile of magazines, but I've been aware of its presence every day, knowing that to stand on it would bring another load of (urgent) priorities my way - so I avoided it. Until today. Mia, Josh and I all a had a go, and it confirmed my (worst) suspicions, so I need to get into gear and DO something. Granted it's been a difficult 3 months with Ben going away for 20 odd days to London to a wedding, being injured(my foot) and being quite incredibly busy on the work front.
So I guess I can't have everything, but I am now aware that I need to take action and not let it get too bad.

I told Josh today what a big boy he is for going for a sleepover for 2 nights without mummy or daddy. He told me he's not such a big boy..."I thought of you" (solemn face).*heart melts*

2009-10-18T16:51:00.006+13:00

There's no excuse today about finding the time to write. I've had the whole weekend 'off'. It started on Friday when I dropped my children off at their grandparents for a sleepover - a DOUBLE sleepover - for TWO WHOLE NIGHTS. Big excitement for them. They do love going there and feel so big when they cope without mummy or daddy.

I got a call yesterday from Ben's mum to say, "Your son wants to tell you something". She put him on and I heard his little voice telling me (proudly): "I did a wee in the bucket". She came back on the phone to explain that because their toilet seat doesn't stay up, she decided to put a bucket there for Josh, should he decide to do a 'stand up' wee. HOW AWESOME! We've been battling to get him toilet trained - we sort of expected it to all fall into place last summer, but he's just not bothered. I can ask him in the morning (or put him on the toilet and have him sit there for half a second before he announces: "nothing") or BEG him, but the person with be biggest success record is Mia. Somehow she manages to entice him to the bathroom, helps undo his nappy, gets him to sit there and when there's success she comes roaring through to my bedroom (it's usually before we've even woken up) to announce loudly that "JOSHKA's done a wee on the toilet!". Sometimes she'll whisper so I can come and help or have a look. She's so helpful! And we make a big fuss that he's had success and that Mia was so helpful. We've started a sticker chart on the fridge. After 15 stickers they got a magazine treat(with lots of stickers and things to do) and at 30 stickers, they get a book reward. These are the prizes they chose with me one day when I took them for a walk to the shops during the holidays. It was agonising for them to choose and to have me put them away...but it drove the point home that they need to work towards it.

Mia's quite irritated that Joshka is slightly ahead (by 2 stickers), but I'm sure things will even out shortly.

Here is a drawing Joshka and I made in May when he proved to me that he is aware of going to the toilet. I drew the outline of his body and handed the pen over to him. He drew the eyes and the mouth, then the midline (the spine) and the lines of the arms and legs, and the lines within the shoes are his feet. The interesting thing was what followed: his willy and a nappy underneath it for his poos... I just LOVE this drawing. It's very hard to get him to draw anything because he is such a perfectionist. He's decided on colouring in the entire canvas/paper - he's quite dedicated to it and will diligently sit at the table and fill up a piece of blank paper, edge to edge, leaving no white space. I'm just happy he's making some marks and I've noticed he's more willing to take some chances when his sister's not around. I think he feels like he's in her shadow when it comes to drawing.

Mia's doing so well at school and loves learning. She's moved on from wanting to be an astronaut and is considering being a paleontologist: the thought of looking for fossils is exciting her at the moment. She plans to marry Blake - well, they plan to marry each other. She told Ben that "Blake is so funny it makes my heart run away". She's so lovely it's no surprise she's already betrothed at 5... Here she is dancing and also with one of her paintings from school which I immediately wanted to put in my office underneath the painting by Jocky, my great uncle - Mia's great great uncle. I love how they're related.

The initial reason for giving the children to the in-laws for a sleepover was because I was invited to a birthday dinner. It was great fun to meet some new people and to not worry about what time it was or whether I was driving or not (there was a sober driver). Three glasses of wine saw me quite cheerful and chatty. I'm such a cheap date that half a glass is usually all it takes! Anyway, everyone left until there were 4 of us who decided we'd like to carry on for another drink or 2, so off we went to the cheerful pub down the road: The Pig and Whistle. It's not nearly the same as the one that used to be in Cape Town, but still, it makes me smile to know I'm off to the Pig and Whistle! (Now if only there could be a "La Med"...) I'm now so connected in the world (!) that I could get all four of us in for free because I play volleyball with the bouncer... I'm a local now.

The next day was a slow starter. The house was quiet, untidy and peaceful. After 2 bowls of cornflakes and 2 coffees, I felt better. I worked to get some things done because this week is going to be busy...

It dawned on Ben and myself that we had another opportunity to go out on Saturday night and that we shouldn't waste it! There were no movies on that we particularly want to see, so we decided on dinner...I invited a couple to join us but had no luck there, so Ben tried his friends who joined us for dinner at a Turkish restaurant. We giggled and joked and had so much fun, that I am pleased to say I've made another real friend - we definitely connected.

We met up today and played catch up on our life stories over lunch and a coffee, while our husbands played touch rugby. I hope we have lots of fun with this couple in the future, because I've really enjoyed the laughs so far. They're great.

Here's a little smile that brings me joy every day.

Babies

2009-08-19T23:22:00.003+12:00

Coming home from school today, with the children in the back, Mia(5) asks:
"Why do babies come out of their mummy's cookie*?"
Um, I didn't realise she's remembered our chat from 3 and a half years ago, so I just answer, "Because that's the way out."
She thinks for a second and then says, "Well they couldn't come out of our mouths or they'd get scratched by our teeth."
Fine logic my sweet girl.
:)

* That's what we call a vagina - it's a South African thing. Actually something I'm quite grateful for here in New Zealand when my daughter yells out "My cookie's itchy!" etc. As they do.

Pablo

2009-08-13T14:44:00.002+12:00

I emailed Pablo shortly after my son was born, to tell Pablo that I was so pleased my little boy shares a birthday with such a charmer... Pablo was a charming man who was full of fun and adventure. I wish wish wish I could have been at his funeral in Madrid to pay my respects to his family and other friends. He had many, all over the world.

These are my pictures of Pablo Solsona and this is how I remember him.

loss

2009-08-13T13:42:00.003+12:00

This year both my parents have had to deal with the loss of their last surviving parent. After living such a long time with one's mother around, it surely must leave an enormous void when they finally do pass. It got me thinking about the inevitable death of my parents and how truly lost I would feel. Having my father go in for heart surgery (atrial ablation) had me dreading the worst case scenario and wondering if I'd said everything I'd wanted to say to him or whether there was something more I could do or say. Of course being so far away from my both my mother and my father is hard, but the fact that I can talk to them if I need to (phone, text/sms, email, skype) is enough of a comfort. If either of them should die, well, ...

I know I would be feeling a lot worse than I have been this week after finding out about the death of a very dear friend, who was only 37.

The grief and sorrow was heavy. It still is.

Ping!

2009-07-26T09:48:00.003+12:00

I played half a match yesterday with my foot all strapped (yes, only half a match, since I'm one of the usual 'reserves' ie. benchies) but very shortly before the end I felt my foot 'snap'. So now it's particularly sore and I'm definitely a bit of a grump. My physio said I could play, so I did, but now I wish he'd said I shouldn't! I was kind of waiting for him to say, "it's best if you don't play..." but he didn't. "Carry on as normal" was his advice. Well, I have an appointment with him on Monday... maybe it's not what he initially thought...we'll see. In the meantime I'm icing my foot and walking funny.

Plantar Fasciitis

2009-07-24T12:18:00.002+12:00

My heel hurts after my netball practice last night. There is a specific spot... And massaging it last night didn't seem to work. Getting out of bed this morning was enough to get me on the phone to a physiotherapist who after having seen me, confirms I have Plantar Fasciitis. He said not to freak out when I google it later! It's strapped now and feels better, but generally these types of injuries feel better as the day goes on and then are very painful after a night's rest. I'm to continue as normal with the strapping on (even have the go ahead for the netball match tomorrow?!) and will see him again on Monday. New shoes are on the horizon...

This morning's entertainment.

2009-07-14T19:53:00.004+12:00

School holidays are fun: time to snuggle in bed on these cold, winter mornings and no rush to get dressed, fed, medicated, brushed and out the door!

Here is Joshka performing his "One Man Band" show. It's real time (haven't played with the speed at all!).

VERY entertaining!

Saturday 14th February 1914- Wednesday 24 June 2009

2009-06-25T22:11:00.005+12:00

It's a day I knew would arrive and I wondered how it would affect me. The last of my grandparents, my father's mother, has passed away at the age of 95. It's an impressive age to reach and I am always in awe of the kind of life she must have lived and the things she would have witnessed. To be born 95 years ago...1914 seems so incredibly long ago. What an amazing transformation of the world to live through.

I remember her sense of glamour - she was always so well groomed and fashionable. Never having been a fashionista myself, I smiled at the fact that my grandmother was always, undoubtedly, more 'hip' and 'with it' than myself.

I suppose I can credit her mostly for instilling the love of travel within me. Christmas holidays were usually to somewhere exotic (wherever a casino and entertainment might be) and highlights of my youth were going to Mauritius... a FEW times! I usually shared the accommodation with Gran and can't remember there being any issues - we got along just fine. I am ashamed to admit to sometimes nudging her with my foot (if we were sharing a bed) if she was snoring a little bit, in the hope that I could quickly fall asleep before she started up again. Or feigning restless sleep to achieve the same effect. It sometimes worked...

When I was 16 I joined a group of girls on an overseas trip to Greece, Italy, France and Britain thanks to the generosity of my Granny Susie, who thought it a good idea. I don't remember how I managed to wangle that, but I do know I am extremely grateful. It really opened my eyes to the world and inspired me to go traveling again one day by myself. I set myself that goal. And boy, did I achieve that!

Of course, now I am living in New Zealand, married to a New Zealander, all because of my travels, and I can't be there for her service.

I saw her briefly in April this year and I realised that it might be the last. I prefer to remember her younger - it's easy to see her laughing in my mind. I can see her smile. I can see her hands. I mostly see her in my minds eye in one of her colourful chairs trying to do the crossword puzzle. Or playing the piano. It's funny how these little images pop up now.

She once sent me on a secret mission to find someone in England. I had the barest of information - a name and a place where that person once worked. What a great challenge! So many questions I wanted to ask about this person, but somehow I didn't. I respected the fact that she'd trusted me with the task, and amazingly, after months, I managed to find the long lost friend and deliver a message. I passed on her contact details but to this day have no idea of whether any contact was made. I mean, a message was relayed by me, but whether they personally spoke again, who knows? But at least I was able to achieve my mission.

I want to learn that secret language she and my father spoke - that coded talk. I want you to write it down for me Dad so I can figure out how to do it. I've always marveled at the speed and ease with which you both conversed in your code. I never cracked it. Most frustrating. Let me know please! It would come in extremely handy here since switching over to Afrikaans doesn't really help much or mean much to Ben, my husband.

I have some lovely little sepia photographs of Granny in her youth, which is a great reminder that she was so much more than I ever knew. A stunning lady.

Of course I'm sad that she has passed away, but also relieved that she has been set free. She was used to a better quality of life and now I hope she rests in peace.

Superstar and night-limpet.

2009-05-28T13:03:00.003+12:00

We had the parent interviews at Mia's school yesterday to discuss Mia's progress at school and how her learning is coming on. We've had one of these before, not so long ago, which was her 6 week review of how she's settling in. It turns out she is a dream student for the teacher. She dedicates herself to every task. She is very good at maths and reading and writing, is very capable in all areas and is "astounding" to her teacher. The teacher showed us a wedge graph of reading capabilities and Mia was way out of the wedge (WAY ABOVE) to which I responded with a "wow!". Her teacher then said (and this impressed Ben) that indeed it was astounding and that she had to answer to her management on review of this graph: when they asked "What does this mean?" the teacher responded with, "Well, you choose an unseen book on that level and I'll send Mia in for you to assess for yourself." She was that confident of Mia. Of course we know this of Mia - we know she is incredibly clever. It's wonderful to know we are not biased and that she is truly a gem (and doing well in her quest to become an astronaut!). Our only concerns were that Mia needs to relax a little and play a little more so she doesn't get overwhelmed by working so hard - she's so eager to please the teacher that she is constantly being sensible and well behaved...

It's all used up when she comes home.

As for Joshka, he told me yesterday that he loves gym. He goes to a class every Wednesday afternoon which is an introduction to gymnastics. It's great for the children: they do circuits around the gym pretending to be all sorts of things with all sorts of missions (climbing up the ladder to save the kitten when they were pretending to be firemen) on all the real gym equipment. Landing techniques and rolling techniques are all introduced in a fun way, so I think it's a fantastic thing for Josh and he loves it - rightly so.

He also told me he loves Ada. Ada is the head teacher at his kindergarten. She was Mis's favourite too and it's easy to love Ada: she's fun (and cuddly). So while we're on the topic of love I asked him if he loves his mommy.

"No."

Oh. I smiled. What about Mia? Do you love Mia?

"Yeah."

OK. And mommy?

"No." (Looking at me in a I-already-answered-this-question kind of way.)

What about Daddy? Do you love Daddy?

"Yeah!"

But not mommy. Who else do you love?

He loves Mrs Harry "a little bit" (she's another kindergarten teacher).

What about Jojo? (His grandmother.)

"No."

What about David? (Grandfather)

"No."

Do you love mummy???

"NO."

What about Ouma? (other grandmother.)

"No."

Oupa? (other grandfather.)

"No."

So you just love Ada, Mia and Daddy?

"And Mrs Harry, a little bit."

Ah. He's very clear on all he loves. It's extremely endearing. Ben thinks it's funny and that Josh has worked out how to tease me already. I'm not in any way offended because I KNOW he loves me. He wouldn't be sneaking in to my bed EVERY night to sleep on my arm or wrapped around my back if he didn't love me. Me and my night-limpet.

So there you go - my two lovelies who make me proud and who I love very much.

10 April

2009-04-11T06:57:00.002+12:00

Today's the day my grandfather (on my mother's side) died 14 years ago. It seemed fitting therefore, to go and visit his grave, as well as the relatively new one of my grandmother, next to him. It was special to be able to go to the graveyard with my grandfather's sister who is turning 98 next week and who is always such a delight to meet. My mother's cousin and her husband (especially armed with a gun should we be accosted by a gang from the bushes) kindly joined us and invited us for an impromptu lunch (a braai! yay!) at their place. It was a lovely afternoon with lovely company.

I was sitting in the company of someone who was telling us stories about when King George visited Stellenbosch - a brilliant story about how the (Afrikaans speaking) mayor of Stellenbosch was clearly so flustered by addressing the King of England to thank him for gracing them with his presence, that the words that left his mouth were " I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart and from my wife's bottom also..." It was especially funny when followed by my great aunt's infectious little giggly laugh. She adds her own theory to the story, that when an acorn fell on Princess Elizabeth's head (on her hat), the King laughed and laughed, finally having an outlet to his (no doubt) stifled laughter at the "wife's bottom" statement. An acorn falling on someone's head can't possibly be THAT funny, she theorises.

Of course it is also said that one is not a true Stellenboscher until an acorn has fallen on your head, so there you go, the current Queen of England is also, officially, a true "Stellenboscher".

Friends and Family

2009-04-11T06:14:00.003+12:00

I have been so lucky to see a lot of friends in my short time here in Cape Town and have even bumped into faces I'd never have expected to see. That's one of the things I long for in NZ (unlikely!) so that's nice.

I've seen family too - a quick trip up to Durban to see my Dad and that side of the family. It was quite weird to think that we might not ever meet like that again. My brother intends to move to Australia with his in-laws at the end of the year, leaving a massive gap in the lives of everyone left behind in Durban. Who will be able to answer mechanical questions, get the door to close properly, rescue someone from a giant creepy crawly thing...? "John..!" will no longer result in a helping hand. Everyone knows they will miss him. When he and his family go, other family memebers may follow and everybody will be split up. It will be interesting and I wish him and his family all the best with the move.

Although it was just one quick evening and a morning, I managed to pack in some one on one time with my father while he took me round the circuit at the gym with his carefully researched and planned workout, targeting all the major muscle groups. I'd like to say I kept up, but he's lifting some serious weights...and looking really good for it. Keep it up Dad, you're looking great.

I'm so impressed by my parents who have both, independently, kept up their physical activities at the gym. My father has a scientific approach and my mother loves to feel the beat and dance herself fit in the step class. She's nearly fanatical I think. It's great - she really enjoys it so much. I nearly joined her for a class but opted for a run on the treadmill instead. In NZ I would be running around playing netball twice or three times a week so I thought I should run to keep up my fitness.

*FFFFFffft* (Me deflating) I haven't managed to keep it up, of course. At least I'm trying more than I have in the past though. Let's hope all is not lost in the 17 days I am away.

Soldier.

2009-04-06T04:42:00.001+12:00

I met such an interesting man on the plane from Singapore to Johannesburg. He joined the British Army at 18 (after trying to join the Rhodesian army at 17) and has been stationed all over the world. We talked about the Falklands, Iran, Iraq and other places and jobs he’d undertaken (like being a personal bodyguard for the Sultan). He talked about his mission to find those notorious weapons of mass destruction and how, as we all know, none were found. He did say that they’d found 2 million gas masks…clearly an indication that they thought weapons of mass destruction would be deployed against them. He is working in Singapore now (police) after leaving the army once he realized the ‘war against terrorism’ and the search for weapons of mass destruction were all a lie.

I asked him if he’d ever written a book, but alas, he hasn’t. He did recommend “Don’t cry for me Sergeant Major” by Jeremy Hands and Robert McGowan which I’m going to keep an eye out for, citing it as a pretty fair and accurate account of what transpired (in the Falklands).

It was lovely to talk to him and to listen to him despite the fact that I was so extremely, extremely tired. Actually it was better than watching another movie! James Bond kind of paled in comparison…

We discussed how if he won the lottery he’d have four properties around the world: somewhere in central Otago (NZ), a farm in SA (already aquired, and where he and his wife will retire to shortly), a house in the south of France and a house in Penang (Malaysia). Penang was an interesting choice, I offered (delighted by the fact that I know where it is and that I’ve actually BEEN there!). I closed my eyes and listened and was really annoyed that I was so damn tired. I wanted to listen and talk for the entire journey. This, in all my 30 years of airplane travel, has never happened before. I’ve never wanted to talk and talk and listen and talk like that, but in the end I had to excuse myself and try to get some rest.

I really enjoyed his company, but I chickened out of giving him my card so we could keep in touch. Damn. He’s so interesting. I’m going to find that book and educate myself further.

resorting to pen and paper

2009-04-02T23:45:00.002+13:00

This is perhaps the hardest thing I've done.

I was excited about getting on the plane - excited about the idea of it, but the reality is hitting hard. I'm singing my children to sleep by their bed (in my mind) - actually I'm humming Frere Jaques aloud in my window seat, under my yellow blanket, with my face hidden under it and the tears are...hot. No-one can hear me over the white noise roar of the engines, not now anyway. But it's getting hard to remain here with every part of me screaming to get up, to send them all a message, to let them know I miss them and love them, very much. I knew it would be hard and I had an uneasy feeling about it. Is this a stupid mistake? Is it worth it? Will these feelings subside?

Perhaps it's because I've just watched 3 movies. They all made me cry. It makes me think back to a question my GP asked: do movies often make me cry? Of course they do. Is it a girl thing? Or is it a sign of depression? Doesn't everybody cry in a movie (in the relevant spot)? I don't know, maybe that's what set me off. Maybe I should just have carried on watching something else - I wouldn't have let these thoughts in, my children would not be filling my mind with their beautiful faces.

I am quite an accomplished flyer - having been at it for ...roughly 33 years. I'm a passenger PRO, but this is the first time I'm doing it by myself since the creation of my children. They were once OF me and now I feel I am leaving something of myself behind. I can feel their pull.

I understand Mom. Just like you always said I would.

today's the day

2009-03-27T11:14:00.003+13:00

Today's the day I accidentally snowboarded over a cliff (in hindsight I shouldn't have tried to stop, should just have jumped) and fractured my lumbar one, or, if you like, I broke my back. (More dramatic). I had tried to stop but had too much momentum and hoped there would be some sort of ledge to stop me as I slid over, but instead I bumped the back of my head and can clearly remember my thoughts on the way down: "Ow, I bumped my head - shit, I'm free falling...actually, this is quite a cool feeling except I know I'm going to land-wa-" SPLAT. Well, not splat so much as 'flump'. It was a beautiful, crisp, blue-sky morning after a night's snowfall (-10ºC) so I landed in a lovely bed of fresh powder -small consolation to the fiery pain in my back. I groaned and moaned and lifted my knees slightly so it was more comfortable for my back ( feet still attached to snowboard) and tried to concentrate on the cold snow on my back - my instant ice pack. Yelling for help was pointless, there was no-one around just then, but I knew it wouldn't be too long, there were bound to be hundreds of people on this perfect day. I heard a voice at the top of the cliff "Uh oh" and I yelled for help. A lovely Swedish man (young and blonde - surprise!) came to my aid and removed my snowboard for me. I told him where I worked and could he please take it to them and tell them I'd be late...(it was my final run before heading to work as a waitress in an aprés ski bar/restaurant on the slopes). He went to alert the skilift guys who sent the 'banana boat' stretcher guys (2 skiers ski you down the slope in this hammock/stretcher thingy). My Swedish rescuer came back to talk to me and to keep me talking - he was taking his medical training seriously: keep the patient talking. When the guys came to lift me on the stretcher they realised after my screams of agony that there was no way they could lift me - just touching my hips to lift me was excruciating. They enquired as to whether I had insurance, which I did (I was working legally AND I had travel insurance) so they called for the helicopter rescue. All this transpired in German which was a pain, but not as painful as my back. So today is the day I also got my very first helicopter ride. I remember lifting my head up to see the top of the trees but it wasn't really that comfortable or exciting, and the morphine was finally easing my pain and making it tempting to rest my head...Getting the morphine IN was also a process- my veins tend to hide at the best of times, but add -10ºC to the equation...I assure the medic I don't care about the pain in my arm, go ahead and try again. Try again. Maybe this arm? Result.

The hospital was a bizarre experience. All the nurses were nuns. Everyone spoke German. I half thought I'd died and gone to a German speaking heaven. (Not for very long though). It's all a haze - the x-rays, the bed etc... my first clear memory of the hospital is when the dr finally came round to my bedside to tell me what I had done. (I had by now figured out I would be more than just late for work). He began in German, but I couldn't follow. English, please, bitte. Imagine now, a german accent: "You haf broken your back."

-

These words are profound to me. They speak of a different life. A life worth living? Not sure. I cry and wail. "What!? But I can walk!" I assure him.

"No! You cannot valk."

Oh my god.

The nurses and doctors don't seem to understand why I am so upset. Finally, later that evening, when my boss comes to visit me (bringing Ben along too) he finds out exactly what the problem is and explains that I have fractured my spine and won't be able to walk until they put a cast on my back - I'm not a paraplegic. RELIEF!

As it turns out that 3 'skibums' - 2 other boys and myself have had the same injury on the same day. I'm the only one who was helicoptered in though, one guy snowboarded all the way down and went to the dr, who sent him to hospital in an ambulance and the other one walked out, was seen by his doctor and was given a ride in. I didn't know them that well, but since we were all in the same boat, we phoned each other (bed to bed) and compared notes.

As ever, in hospital, ones bowel movements become paramount to whatever condition you're in for. We all had to declare when we'd last gone to the loo and the wait was on for the next installment. Once the 'eagle had landed' we were then hung up by a sling on a hook (all seemed extremely archaic and torturous) and wrapped and cast. Hanging there (face up to the ceiling) waiting for the cast to dry was, um, uncomfortable. Not pleasant. So once cast, it was a bit like being a tortoise. From collarbone to pubic bone - a big barrel cast. Not slimming. Very upright. They cut a hole where my stomach was, never sure why that was, but there you go, I was free, to walk out of there.

busy.

2009-03-26T13:35:00.003+13:00

Well what do you know!? I found a moment to get here at last! It's been a busy summer. Alas, it is already Autumn. I remember always writing to my great uncle at this time of year to say how great this time of year was because Spring was finally on it's way and I could look forward to some Summer after having just survived another European winter. Particularly English Winters. Of course I'm now back in the Southern hemisphere and I'm a little sad as I talk to him in my head to wish him a happy birthday, because it means I have the whole Winter ahead of me...His birthday means Spring in the northern hemisphere or Autumn in the southern hemisphere. I also have my little boy's birthday on the very next day and my grandfather's birthday (my Dad's dad) on the following day. I hope my ancestors are watching my delightful little boy on his birthday opening his presents and playing with each thing before being bullied to open the next thing by his excited sister. He delights in the little things (marbles, whistle toy, torch) and is just so delightful. I think he really enjoyed being in the limelight and being sung to (twice!). Blowing out his candles was a breeze and eating sweets and cake and chippies all day (being able to help himself!) was just too much fun! I invited a few people round, deciding to do something similar to Mia's birthday celebrations. Hopefully next year I'll be up to a proper party and the kids would have made some of their own friends. Hopefully Joshy will make some little friends at kindergarten and Mia will no doubt have made some at school.

I've been busy - can you tell? I've started netball training twice a week (Tuesday and Thursday nights) which is great fun - hard work , but I can feel the rewards. I am definitely shaping up and coming down from size 14 to size 12. My weight is still at 70kg, but hopefully I can shift some of that this winter. Volleyball training has also just started, so that takes up my Wednesday nights. It's going to be a bit of a juggle, but I'm enjoying the sensation of feeling fitter. (I still hate running.) I haven't managed to go to Pilates for ages, but maybe when Joshka spends more time at kindergarten later in the year, I'll find myself with some more free time to go and stretch myself on a transformer...

Another reason for the absence of posts had been the crazy social commitments we've had to keep up. It sounds like a movie, but in 2 weeks we had 2 weddings and a funeral. Two of Ben's cousins (sisters) got married - one in Te Puke and one in New Plymouth. It was fun going to a new place - I'd never managed to see Mt Egmont/ Taranaki on my previous visit in 1998 since it was surrounded (hidden) in cloud, but the stunning volcano showed itself to us. (It felt quite bizarre to point out a volcano to my children - not something I ever thought I'd be saying really.) I finally got to wear my RED DRESS with my red shoes and red bag, and I felt great. I actually bought it for a wedding I am attending in Cape Town in oh, 2 weeks time, but it was a great trial run! Felt a million bucks. Our children were superbly behaved at both weddings and we had a lot of compliments from people saying what a credit it was to us as parents. They really made us proud and were good fun to have around. At the wedding in New Plymouth they had a babysitter while we had dinner, and came up after dinner to join in the dancing. Mia loved twirling around like a ballerina and Joshka was content bouncing up and down to the beat. There was a live band which was great. After a while it seemed the sound got louder and louder (too loud for me) so we moved onto the balcony outside (under cover) and danced in the fresh air listening to the rain, the sea and the band. Mia pushed Ben and myself together and told us it was our turn to dance, so we danced arm in arm, going slowly round and round, and it was a perfect moment of happiness for me. My family dancing outside, happy and together. A lovely moment and a memory I hope to keep forever. A photograph couldn't even do it justice, so I just savoured it for as long as I could. I felt truly happy.

My cousin, Andrew arrived after the weddings and we showed him around our town - it is quite spectacular, some of the sites to see. We both enjoyed a late night spa outside overlooking the lake. He enjoyed the children and they loved him and the presents he arrived with! Sadly it was also when one of Ben's ex-colleagues died, so I attended my very first funeral in New Zealand. I took Joshka with me and he was lovely. Ben was one of the pallbearers along with some of his other work mates. Val was a lovely woman and when I see her in my mind's eye I see a smiling face - she was quite jolly and giggly the first time I met her and that first impression is the one that lingers in my mind. She was a thoughtful and generous lady - she gave us a plant (honesty pods) which is my garden. At the end of the service her coffin was lowered to be cremated and a Maori woman (the wife of one of Ben's colleagues) sang a Maori farewell song/lament. It was loud and chilling and almost ancient. It really seemed to make Val's passing so final. It was moving and sad, until I looked down and saw Joshka with his fingers in his ears in silent protest. I nudged Ben and moved back so he could see - not the best moment to have the giggles at a funeral. Luckily I KNOW Val would have been giggling too.

School

2009-02-18T15:47:00.003+13:00

Mia's first day of school was a challenge for me when I woke up: could I get these two children awake, dressed, fed, and brushed (teeth and hair), sun screened, medicated, shoed and out the door by 8.30am? Oh, and myself as well? It was a trial run for me because Ben had already gone to work, so he wasn't around for backup.

I'm happy to say, we managed and got in the car, found a parking spot, and walked a short way to the playground. Mia wanted to play on a jungle gym - she wanted to swing like a monkey on the monkey bars, but wasn't strong enough yet. Anyhow, the bell went and I told her, "Mia, do you know what that bell means? It means it's time for you to go to your class." She looked at Joshka and shouted "Ok Josh, it's time for you and mummy to go home now!" Down she climbed, quick as a flash, and ran off to her class, leaving me to negotiate Joshka down. We went to her classroom to say a proper goodbye but she was already on the mat in the middle of all the children, waiting for the teacher's roll call. There were a couple of other children starting that day too who were clinging to their mother's legs, which hindered my access into the classroom, so I just waved at her and blew a kiss and said, "See you later!" She waved. I turned. And that was it! She was in school and I had been dismissed.

Every day they bring back a little book to read. She knew her little book off by heart so it was pretty simple for her, but Ben and I could tell she was just memorising the words. That was the first day.

On the second day, Ben said the teacher had upgraded her reading book to a much higher level, so I was interested to see. I don't know how, or what they do at school, but 2 days after turning 5, my little girl sat at the table on her dad's lap and read the story to us. She stumbled on words like 'uncle' and 'auntie' but for the most part she read it word for word. Now I know my girl. She has an amazing memory for words of stories and songs, but at the end of her reading, I was truly impressed. I know a lot of it IS memory, but still, she is recognising words and is enjoying the experience. Yippee!

Birthday celebrations

2009-02-15T20:02:00.003+13:00

Mia turns five tomorrow and starts school. We (I) decided to have the birthday celebrations today (Sunday) so she could really enjoy all the gifts and the people around her. I tried to get away without the party we did last year for both Mia and Josh, but Mia kept mentioning a party...So today her grandparents arrived with a beautiful pink number 5 cake and I invited my friend and her 2 daughters (10 and 12) round. We all had lunch together which was an informal affair with nice bread, avocado, ham, tomato, lettuce, blue cheese, brie, olives, crisps, sundried tomatoes... just pile it on and make your own. At teatime Carolyn and her 2 daughters (5 and 3) came round for tea and cake and played really well, so it was all good. They left and slowly things slowed down so I could start thinking about dinner! Maria and her kids went home and it was just us and the grandparents for a bbq dinner. Baked potatoes, lamb chops and salad. Lovely. All in all a really easy, relaxed but busy day in celebration of my little girl turning 5. She received lovely gifts from friends and family alike and is fast asleep now, dreaming of school and walking on the moon.

Joshka also got a present to open so he didn't feel completely left out. His stickers were all over his arms before he'd even had breakfast. Both children enjoyed his lifelike rubber snake...but the most successful gift of the day was probably a $5 pretend camera that says "smile" and "you look as pretty as a princess" and "say cheese!" in the voice of Disney's Ariel the mermaid. Ariel branding too. It was talking all day today and taking lots of cheesy photographs.

Time now to flop in front of tv with Ben and let the dishwasher do it's thing.

jumping on the moon

2009-02-08T19:28:00.005+13:00

Mia wants to go to the moon one day - she wants to jump on the moon because "the gravity's not so much on the moon, you can jump really high". To go to the moon, her daddy tells her, you will have to be an astronaut. And to be an astronaut you have to be very clever and do very well at school. "I'm going to do everything my teacher tells me to when I go to school..." says Mia, on her mission to become an astronaut to jump on the gravity-challenged moon, at age 4. Nearly 5. One more week before she embarks on her school life. In New Zealand one starts school on the Monday after one's 5th birthday, or on the day if your birthday is on a Monday, which Mia's is. So I will be joining the rest of the school run and take part in the daily traffic jams. It'll probably take 10 minutes instead of 5. What me worry?

Oh where has the time gone!?

3rd February 2009

2009-02-03T13:58:00.002+13:00

I really have so much to write, to tell. However, that can wait. For today is the day my third grandparent, my Ouma, has died. She suffered in the last days of her life, she was in pain...but when she went, she went quietly and peacefully for which I am grateful. I am so helpless sitting here on the other side of the world unable to comfort my mother in any way or to give my Ouma any last messages, but I will just remember that everything is understood in death and that she would therefore know my thoughts that are directed at her. It was just a few hours ago that she passed away.

Lovely new wardrobe

2009-01-22T10:56:00.007+13:00

After Christmas we went camping at Waiotahi - we were lucky to have a cabin for the 1st 2 nights, after which we would transfer to tents. Ben's parents went too and they also had a cabin, except they had theirs for the entire duration. Luckily they did, because as luck would have it, it rained and rained and rained after our first night in the tent, and we ended up spending most of our last day there in the cabin, playing backgammon or poker dice, or doing crossword puzzles or reading. Childcare was shared, but to be honest, Ben's mum took over most of the responsibilities and helped to make it feel like a real holiday! It was a real holiday. I had a little surf in the Pacific on Ben's longboard - I didn't stand up, but still, I caught a couple of waves and managed to get to my knees...also got thrashed by the waves trying to get out again (can't duckdive so well with a longboard!) but Ben was with me the whole time giving advice and an extra shove when it came to takeoff! Good fun, but I couldn't cope for very long with all that paddling, so I called it a day and gave Ben the board back. I also went for a run the next day along the beach for about 2kms (and back) - well... a run/walk/run. Followed by a few lengths in the swimming pool...which felt great. I wasn't worried about the children or what they were doing and I had no house work to think of, or work... it was real 'me' time and I loved it. For once the pool wasn't heated (like everywhere in Rotorua) so it was a real shock to the system when diving in, but that lovely zingy refreshed feeling stayed with me afterwards.

On a trip to Opotiki to get some supplies for dinner, Ben's mum and I treated ourselves to a lovely coffee (and a little something sweet) and browsed a little antique shop that was open. My eyes fell on a large, old wooden wardrobe which I thought was beautiful. Lots of drawer space, some hanging space on both sides and two lovely oval mirrors on the two doors... It was once of those moments where I couldn't leave the shop without wanting to know more about it. (Pretty much the same feeling I got when I bought my Turkish kelim and my Iranian rug.) We went back to the camping site and I drew it for Ben to try and give him an idea of it. Obviously it was hard for him to get excited, but in the end I convinced him to pop in to the shop on our way home the next day. It would be a little bit out of our way, but I felt it was important.

The next day was not without drama of course. Our car battery was COMPLETELY flat, so we had to jump start it with the help of Ben's dad, then drive it closer to the cabin (where we had ALL slept the night to avoid the swampy tent area) to pack it, while it was still raining, Then we headed to Opotiki to have a look at the wardrobe, It couldn't have been worse - rain, lots of traffic, no place to park, 2 kids who wanted to get out of the car and a car that couldn't be switched off in case it wouldn't start again. So I stayed in the (running) car and sent Ben to have a look while amusing the children with songs and stories and explaining to them why we were there. When Ben returned he was not blown away but not anti either, saying he'd trust my decision. So I went back and bought it.

Of course we couldn't pack it in our car - it's a huge thing, and I wasn't sure how to get it back to Rotorua, but all that mattered was getting home, getting our car battery fixed and letting these children out of the car! So off we went.

Three weeks have passed and finally we have got it here. Ben had to drive there (2 hours), pick up a trailer from a friend of his father's, get to the shop, load it, and drive back here (2 hours). We spent all of yesterday wiping it down and rearranging the children's bedroom to get it in. I think I'm going to get a black finger nail and a bruised hand, but that's ok, I am still happy with my choice, Yes it makes the room seem smaller, but now the children have some space to put their clothes, hang their clothes, put their toys and check themselves out in the mirror! We moved the bookcase to a different corner of the room and found a new place for everything and I'm so chuffed! It looks great!

Of course, that great tidy look had lasted all of a 2 hours - the children are rediscovering their toys that have been neatly sorted and can now reach their puzzles and games so they are scattered all over the floor... but it doesn't matter, it's great they are actually playing in their room and not in the lounge! Anyway, I took a photo while everything had a place, so it's good to know it's possible!

The wardrobe.

Our cabin for the first two nights. The cabins in the background where we ended up while it was raining. That's Mia having a 'bath' in the blue tub/bucket.

Ben was on shift for Christmas, hence the uniform.

Our house was rearranged to accommodate 11 people for Christmas dinner. Two of Ben's work mates joined us for dinner.

random thoughts

2009-01-01T22:55:00.002+13:00

I'm really impressed with the rubbish collectors here in Rotorua. Our collection day is a Thursday, which this year fell on Christmas day as well as New Years day. I really didn't expect them to collect on these days: I thought it would no doubt be postponed for a couple of days. Nope. Not our guys! They were up bright and early "hooning" (now there's a Kiwi word I've learned) down the street making light and fast work of their Christmas morning and New Years morning collections. And what's more, they seemed cheerful enough. They still waved at the kids.

My Christmas was excellent. It was a first for us to have our family wake up in our own home and find a heap of presents under our own (fake) tree, decorated with our own (as yet sparse) Christmas decorations. The children are at such a brilliant age: they're not expecting fancy or expensive gifts and are just filled with wonder at the joy of receiving ALL these presents! We were also lucky to have Ben's parents spend the night with us to share in the wonderful moments as we all opened our presents. I loved the things I was given, which were all chosen with care and love and some humour too. And it felt great to see the things I had given being enjoyed too. I had a really, really lovely time.

It's always been a bit of a strange time for me - there was never really a tradition in my family for Christmas. I was often with my Dad for the holidays and each year we were treated to a new place, a holiday adventure to the South Coast, or a CRUISE (which I really enjoyed!) or a holiday to Mauritius (quite a few to Mauritius!) which was just fantastic. If I was with my Mom it was sometimes a holiday to Pearly Beach (not often enough - I wish I'd had more) or a family lunch, followed by a quick getaway to the beach! I don't remember having a Christmas tree at our house - did we Mom? I don't remember decorating it. I know there was one in Durban at my Dad's place, but it was always up before I arrived. Anyhow, I'm enjoying it a LOT with my children because it feels like a first for me too. Even packing it up is enjoyable. It's something I did with Joshka, who is the King of packing things away. Making them fit. Taking them out and putting them back. He was my little helper when Mia was away on a play date (and being corrupted by McDonalds).

I took Joshka shopping with me one day and made the mistake of going past a toy section. He was transfixed by everything but picked out a toy (a pony with a doll that can ride it, a bucket and a carrot) which he thought Mia would like. He wouldn't let it go: "For Mia, for Mia!". So I asked him if he wanted to buy it to give to Mia for Christmas, and would he like to help me wrap it? He was very happy with that idea and was an excellent little helper. Mia saw the present on top of the cupboard and tried SO hard to find out what it was but I wouldn't tell her. Instead I let her choose something to buy for Josh. We were in a shoe shop a few days later and Joshka managed to find a pair of Bob the Builder shoes, in the right size and put them on the correct feet and came to show me (proudly). Mia decided she would buy them for Josh. My sweet kids.

Mia was in one of her lovely cuddly moods the other morning and told me: " I love you so much, I could cuddle and kiss you all the way to AFRICA!"
"Wow!" I said.
"I love you so much I could cuddle and kiss you all the way to AUSTRALIA!" she continued.
"Wow, that's FAR Mia" I said, smiling.
"I love you so much I could cuddle and kiss you all the way to..."
PAUSE
"...all the way to...GOD."

I didn't quite know what to say to that, I just wanted to remember it forever. So we DID cuddle and kiss and tickle and giggle.

My first mountain bike experience.

2008-12-13T11:17:00.003+13:00

I went for my first ever mountain bike ride yesterday! (I am reminded of it constantly with the bruise-like pain between my legs!) It wasn't a long or strenuous ride, but it was through the forest we have here and it is SO geared up for mountain biking of every level. I really enjoyed it. I hope to do more next year. We borrowed a bike from Ben's work partner just so I could try it out. I just have to get out of the habit of sitting down when I ride a bike - there is a lot of 'up' time in the saddle where one has to brace for bumps, bend the elbows to absorb the bump...and have two fingers on the brakes...

Of course, this was only possible because both the children were at kindergarten, so YAY, let's make it a habit! Good fun, and definitely an escape from the housework that never ends!

1,2,3,4

2008-12-09T19:29:00.002+13:00

Whoops. I've just realised that it's 7.30pm and not 8.30pm - no wonder the children were so upset about going to bed. They were both demanding more stories. Actually they were both being pests - quite revolting. Josh wanted me to read the entire song book we'd just finished all over again and Mia wanted me to continue with her l-o-n-g many-chaptered book. I was happy to read something neutral, but neither of them were being remotely sensible, so I put my foot down and told them if they didn't stop being ridiculous, there'd be no stories whatsoever! I walked out and let them call for me while I put away the dinner remnants and when I went back read them a quick story (teacher style) and they were back to their usual selves. BUT, the minute I'd finished they were back to being revolting; whining for me to read their stories again. So of course I didn't.

If they hadn't been so silly about their story choices, then we'd all still be snuggling and reading on the top bunk! Never mind, I have some time on my hands now.

I'm actually not at all alone in my depression status. (Hard to type that word: depression. Depression. Depression.) Almost all the women I talked to today at Joshka's Salvation Army playgroup suffer from some form of it. I was open and forthcoming and so were they. We all agree that the stigma is the hardest thing to overcome. One woman went so far as to say that Rotorua itself is depressing. Her cousin who grew up here has left and will never come back.

It's interesting. Interesting to share thoughts with other women who would normally just share mundane small talk - I really connected with the truth with them today. I felt calmer and more together. More able to meet their eye. More able to respond without inhibition.

All in all, things seemed a little easier today. I've talked. That counts towards Number One. Number 3 - (spiritual/creative)...I made some cards today for the ladies who are leaving the playgroup. And I even let Josh 'help' or at least observe (from quite close). Both children helped me to wrap some small presents and they did a great job. And Number 4. Yes, that's the easiest part of all: I popped half a tablet. (Only half for a week. Then on to a full one). So all I have missed out on today then is number 2: exercise.

Easily fixed...
:)

I have a good GP.

2008-12-08T22:07:00.004+13:00

For the last few weeks I've had a strange sensation in my throat...a bit like swallowing something without having chewed it properly - like a potato chip that's too big. Or more precisely, it feels like I've swallowed a new potato which is very slowly making it's (tight) way down. Uncomfortable indeed.

The doctor thought he'd treat me for oral thrush (one pill) and told me to see him again in a week.

I went today for my follow up and explained it hadn't gone away, but that I also now experience that same 'new potato' feeling in my chest. Is that what heartburn feels like? It doesn't burn though...

Not oral thrush then. Am I stressed? How are things? Any issues? Anything else you want to tell me? All these questions from a concerned GP suddenly had me tearful and confused. Was there anything that was getting me down? Could it be that I'm lamenting the next stage of my life when Josh goes to kindergarten? Surely not. I'm looking forward to some "me time". What then?

He asked me if I was happy here. If I was fulfilled. What had I left behind in South Africa? What kind of lifestyle? Friends? Family?

I gave him a brief summary of my time since I've left SA, including all the travel I did with Ben, how we finally settled in London after 4 years traveling, how having my brain haemorrhage put a halt on things before trying for children. I told him how Ben loved life in London, but when Mia was born, it coincided with a lot of friends and family leaving London, leaving me more isolated and with less support. How we moved to NZ and had Joshka...what a wonderful family Ben has and how supportive they've been to us. I told him how I'd started writing (this blog) to try and find something funny or amusing or beautiful to comment on and how it helped me to get out of the dumps. I recognised then that I may have been a bit depressed, but this 'vent' seemed to help things. I thought I was doing ok?

I told him about the heavy legs too.

He told me that the reason he was pressing on with all these questions was that he had for a while suspected that I may be somewhat depressed. He wanted to know how long I had felt like this. He asked about my family- brothers and sisters? Parents? Have I resolved my feelings about my parents divorce?

Well. I sat there all tearful and confused, but a little relieved too. Perhaps he's onto something? And surely it will help to get some treatment?

He explained that like the legs on a chair, the most stable and therefore best solution would be to have four legged "plan" or approach.
1. Talk to a phsych (-iatrist? or -ologist? I never know the difference, but I guess I'll find out).
2. Do some excercise. This has been what has been keeping things under control for me so far, or as my GP said, "keeping a lid on things" - keeping things from boiling over. I've been really happy lately with my netball training and am glad to be part of this group.
3. Get some spiritual guidance/release. He was quick to add that he didn't mean religeon, but rather some creative outlet - painting or drawing or something to channel the creativity.
4. Drugs.

Number 4 being the least important overall, but important to start the ball rolling, to get the treatment going.

I was stunned.

The most scary thing about those 4 things, without a doubt, would be to talk to someone. And the stigma that goes with it.

He pointed out that if he thought I had a heart condition and sent me off to a cardiologist, I would have no problem with that. I agreed. He said this was no different: an illness. To be treated.

But if I go on these pills will it be for the rest of my life? NO! Is it cureable? YES!

It was long appointment. I'd actually made one for myself and one for Joshka, but Josh had long since fallen asleep on the floor and was sleeping peacefully, so it was a good thing to get all of this out in the open. Verbalised.

Once out there it's a bit easier to accept and to deal with. It's the doubt that it the hard part. So although I feel quite vulnerable right now, I am grateful for the time taken by this GP to get to the bottom of things. And with regard to the throat, it can also be a symptom and is quite common, of depression. That same feeling that hits you when you're watching a tear-jerker movie - a lump in the throat. Apparently...

Tonight Mia told me she loved me the most. "You're the best mummy in the WHOLE world mummy. I love you SO much. I like your hair mummy. I think you look pretty."

Earlier after coming home from the doctor she asked me: "Are you sad mummy? Why are you sad?" I told her I didn't really know why I was feeling sad, but that I was fine. When she heard that she wanted to know if I could read her the new library books they'd just taken out. It made me smile. My little gem.

Big boy

2008-12-04T10:21:00.003+13:00

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, I guess. Today my little charming boy, went to kindergarten with his sister and is still there. Even though he's only 2 and a half, we decided he could have a little time at kindy overlapping with Mia, so as to assist his transition. (They normally start at 3yrs). He usually goes to drop Mia off and we stay until 9.30am which is mat time (and snack time) before heading home again, but today at 9.30 Josh was walking around announcing to everybody "it's mat time now!" Mia showed him what to do - showed him that it was time to wash hands, making sure nobody bumped into her little brother (very protective!) and the last I saw of them they were running to the mat with their lunch boxes...not even a backwards glance.

So I took a slow, reflective walk home, and wondered if I'd truly appreciated my time that I had with my boy at home. Had I done enough? Had I neglected some areas so that I could have a quick turn on my computer? Have I nurtured him enough or have I just been happy to let him play with his sister - allowing me more time to myself? I don't know. All I know is of course I could have done more, or less, but I can't change it, except to just keep cherishing the moments I do have with him at home on other days. At the moment it's just 2 days (Thursday and Friday) that he is in somebody else's care.

Scorching?

2008-11-30T19:57:00.002+13:00

I listened to the radio with amusement on Thursday as they described the day as a 'Scorcher!'. A scorcher...at 23°C. Granted, it was a lovely hot day - a beauty!- not to be sneered at - some really summery weather...but a scorcher? i think not. At least another 5° before I concede a scorcher. Never mind. The sun here in New Zealand really is quite vicious and searing, so even at 23°C it feels like you're sizzling, so I guess it's all relative.

It literally makes peoples eyes boggle when i tell them about the hottest day I've ever experienced at 50°C (45°C in the shade). I was going down the Orange River (the border between South Africa and Namibia) and I guess, if you're going to spend the day in such heat, then cruising down the river is a good way to do it. We all spent most of the time IN the water, holding on to the canoes and drifting downstream. It was a fantastic trip - all the more so because all the catering was taken care of by the guides, and all the camps set up by them too. The distance we travelled was shortened because of the extreme heat, but we didn't mind, we were so well taken care of. I remember the hot winds at night, blowing off the hot rocks and desert sand - so warm in fact, that I went to bed in my bikini under a damp sarong to keep cool. Fun.

Wouldn't have been much fun had we not had it so cruisy.

Friday afternoon

2008-11-22T16:33:00.006+13:00

For the last two Fridays, the weather has been wonderful, so we've packed the car, picked up Mia from kindergarten and gone to the lake. The first Friday was to our usual spot at the Blue Lake - a wonderful little beach with clear, fresh water.

The second Friday we went to a different lake, just as far (close) away, which was a bit more sheltered from the wind. Phenomenal! Beautiful! Quiet! Peaceful. My new favourite place: Boyes Beach. I took a few photos from my spot in the sand.

(When we win at lotto, we'd like a little place over here, please).

Portraits

2008-11-18T15:08:00.002+13:00

I've been showing the canvas stencil portraits I've done of Mia and Joshka to the parents and teachers at Joshka's playgroups in the hope of getting some commissions for Christmas. I think it's a fabulous idea! It'll keep me busy in any case.

7 years on.

2008-11-11T20:04:00.005+13:00

I've just come back from a couple of days in Auckland where I had fun walking the streets and window shopping with my sister- and mother-in-law. They showed me some of their favourite little places and I had a lovely time at a relaxed pace, to look, feel, see and do what I wanted. We had coffee, a lunch date, a 4pm drinks date, followed by dinner - lovely! A real treat.

Of course it tied in nicely with my vow to not work on 10 November, which is the anniversary of my sub arachnoid brain haemorrhage. (Congratulations to me for being able to spell that whopper!) A day to reflect on what is important and what isn't. Firstly it's a day to remember to be thankful for having pulled through and for having more time to enjoy LIFE. Time to appreciate my family and my friends and my health. I may whinge about this or that not being right, but actually, I need to remember how much worse things could have been.

It's been 7 years since it happened and wow, what a lot has happened since then! I have two beautiful children, a wonderful husband, an amazing family and fabulous friends. Too bad so many of the people I love are well and truly scattered all over the world!

(That's Joshka's version of a ballet arabesque).

thirteen times!

2008-11-03T20:44:00.003+13:00

The other day Mia told me she loves her Dad "as much as around the world three times" and me, her mother, "around the world two times" and her brother, Joshka, "around the world one time". Well, that's a lot of love, eh?

Never mind about the number of times her love circumnavigates the world - today she loved me THIRTEEN times around the world. HUGE.

My brave girl had her final pre-school immunisation jabs: one in the leg and one in the arm. Oh, it's so hard to be a parent and to know what's coming. She was very brave. But after the leg she was totally freaking out about having the one in the arm - burrowing into my neck to try to disappear... She didn't bawl but had enormous tears rolling down her cheeks, shame.

A lollipop from the nurse got the situation to be quite bearable again and Mia was even gracious enough to ensure Joshka got a lollipop too, regardless of the fact that he'd endured no pain. I gave her a chocolate reward on the way home (out of sight of her brother) and she was delighted to be "one up" on him, walking ahead, eating her treat.

I guess that's where the THIRTEEN times around the world came from.

Drawings with a red pencil

2008-10-28T16:03:00.005+13:00

The other day Mia was in one of her wonderful moods where she just amused herself and delighted me with her drawings which she presented every so often. The first was a picture of "daddy playing (touch) rugby". Interesting to see the new style of drawing with the t-shirt top and shorts. Mia asked me how to write "and" which features throughout this set of drawings.

Next she returned with a drawing of "daddy and the ambulance", complete with stretcher in the back (and patient). I love it!

Then she went off to draw me playing volleyball. Interesting to note the rugby posts in the background in the volleyball picture and the vollayball net in the rugby one! Lovely attention to detail in the ball shape for rugby as opposed to volleyball.

Then, since she'd drawn Dad in his workplace, she decided to draw me in mine. I think this is my favourite drawing. I am tucked into a little room with an L-shaped desk - perfectly depicted here, along with my computer and mouse.

Mia then decided to draw herself and her brother, Joshka, jumping on their trampoline, which incedently is 12ft round with a safety net around it...

Followed finally by a drawing of the park down the road: slide, swing, roundabout etc where Mia and Joshka like to play.

Done.

2008-10-28T15:51:00.002+13:00

I did it. I closed the door and ignored the crying. I left Ben in charge of the children and I did the things that have been needing to be done. I've been trying to get a website design finished for ages, but there has been some debate about switching host companies and I've had to wait while all that negotiation goes on. I've been meaning to get a few things done, but just never seemed to make the time. I needed a decent amount time to get back into the project and I managed that today. It was actually only a couple of hours, but it felt like a whole day! Great to get in the zone and deflect the guilty feelings that creep closer.

heavy legs

2008-10-27T19:52:00.004+13:00

I get this weird feeling in my legs - like a wobbly or almost ticklish sensation. I'm sure it's all mental, but I recognise it as a sign that I'm stressed or leaning towards being a bit depressed (weird!). It makes me just want to sit down, not move, and be quite anti-social. Of course this isn't always possible - especially when I'm the mother alone at home with the kids on a holiday (today). So I kind of carry on throughout the day - almost like wading in mud. Heavy legs, just wanting to sit down - maybe even lie in a hammock, just swing... and get over it. Today I tried to distract myself from it and fool myself into getting things done, but it has to be said it was quite an effort. I think it stems from dreading doing the cooking...can that really be all it is?! I do dread doing dinner, really. I just don't enjoy it! No aptitude for it. I'm learning, of course, but it doesn't bring a heap of enjoyment to the table (please excuse the pun). It's quite a difficult thing to admit - I don't enjoy it and it stresses me out.

Looking back on the day I did manage to achieve something though. The usual load of washing with hundreds of itsy bitsy things to hang up, general tidy up (don't know why I bothered - can't tell now, it all has to be done again, tomorrow), a bit of a crossword puzzle, baked some chocolate brownies, went for a drive with the children to the forest where we meandered around in no particular hurry, went shopping for some plants to make a hedge, came home and planted the veggie garden, watered the garden, fed and bathed the kids... and now thankfully Ben is home and has taken over the task of dinner. I grilled some venison sausages which I served to Mia and Josh with some mashed potato from the other night and some mixed veggies, followed by some juicy, fresh pear, but for Ben and myself... Not enough mash...maybe some stirfry vegetables? Anyway, he's taken over the job and I can hear him chopping something. And I'm so grateful.

Actually what I'd really like is to really, really spend a day getting back into some design work- without the distractions of little fingers pressing computer keys or little bottoms needing wiping or gardens needing planting or bills needing paying... I just want some time to switch on my brain again - to get some creative energy flowing. I don't want to be an old hack just being a lazy and patching some things together - I want to enjoy it and be amazed by it. "It" being some creative process, I think.

Back on track.

2008-10-23T12:28:00.003+13:00

It's a bit like wearing your shoes on the wrong feet: it's possible, just not quite as practical or comfortable and it doesn't look, or feel, nearly as good. I'm talking about being on the pc while my mac was under repair. It's not to say I wasn't grateful for having a 2nd computer to jump on to check up on what I was missing, but I'm happy to report that, yes, I am happily back on my mac, nothing lost, some experience gained, and a definite amendment to my list of addictions! Hip hip hooray for my lovely mac, who's back.

Well received.

2008-10-23T12:09:00.003+13:00

The letter I wrote to Mia's kindergarten was well received. The head teacher (who I addressed the letter to) called me aside and wanted me to confirm her suspicions of which teacher(s) I had been referring to and did acknowledge that due to many factors things had not been picked up, but she thanked me for keeping them on track: " I love it that you wrote that" was what she said. I had hoped she would take it the best possible way, which I think she did. As it turns out there's a teacher-only day next Tuesday so I'm sure the subject will be on the agenda. Furthermore I volunteered that my mother give them a pep talk on the topic of young children and drawing when next she's here (May 2009) which was also well received.

I'm glad I wrote it down and delivered it. Better than the verbal route which sometimes gets me emotional and tongue-tied!

Waiting.

2008-10-21T13:00:00.003+13:00

I'm biding my time...waiting for the phonecall to come about my mac and it's state of (dis)repair. It's perfect weather for doing the washing - the load I hung up this morning is already dry and I've just hung up the 2nd load - breezy and sunny.

The boys are asleep - Ben has nightshift again tonight and Josh is all played out after this mornings playgroup activities. I am coffeed and lemon-muffined up and considering whipping the house into shape. It's a disgrace! The garden, however, is looking great! We achieved a lot yesterday although Joshka did his utmost to spread the mountain of mulch around the lawn - climbing up and down and grabbing fistfuls of the stuff to transport somewhere else to be put in a different bucket. Hours of good, dirty fun.

I took myself to the doctor this morning after dealing with a cold for the last 2 weeks. I have to be careful with my chest and asthma (bronchitus/pneumonia...) and I knew I was not kicking it. Already I feel better and hope these drugs do the trick. (Don't worry Mom, I'm onto it.)

Right then, better go and do damage control. My favourite activity in the world. Alongside cooking. Um...NOT.

Garden

2008-10-20T08:48:00.003+13:00

Today, with the help of Ben's parents, we are going to 'mulch' the garden. We have lifted (and sold) all the white stones that were here - I quite liked them but they were high maintenance to keep looking clean with all the flower and leaf droppings, and a pain to move around when trying to plant something new. I also have my reservations as to how good they were for the soil and plants. In any case, I weeded the area yesterday, so all we are waiting for now is a truckload of mamaku mulch to lay down over the garden bed.

It's probably a good idea to lay down some newspaper underneath, but since we don't have any, I'm thinking perhaps I should load the car with the recycling and go and PICK UP some newspaper from the depot...cunning plan? Two birds with one stone kind of thing?

Right then. Off to load the car.

A reminder to the teachers at the kindergarten.

2008-10-17T12:51:00.006+13:00

Mia came home with some drawings for me yesterday. I've included them here. Just to illustrate the difference between what happens at home and what is happening at school. I could'nt help myself and have just completed a letter to the head teacher of which I include a copy here as well. I just can't say nothing.

Dear Kindergarten Teachers

It is with regret that I am writing this letter, but I hope it will be received in the spirit of better education.

I have noticed recently (more and more) that there are some teacher led activities which involve showing children how to draw something. I refer in particular to a table set out with a teacher-drawn flower which some children were trying to copy, with the teacher present, assisting the process: “…And what about some leaves coming off the stem like this…?”. Considering the plethora of flowers brought in by children for their teachers every day of various shapes and sizes, wouldn’t setting them all upon a table and encouraging the children to look at the real thing be a better exercise? Just the other day my children brought in blue irises which are spectacularly colourful and different to the typical stem, leaf and daisy type flower we all draw now (thanks to having our creativity quashed when we were young and malleable).

I know it can be hard to say no to a child when they ask you to draw something, but we all should try harder.

Where have the informative notices that were on display before gone? The ones about a child’s developmental drawing stages (eg. A circle head with arms and legs. ) They served as wonderful educational tools for parents and teachers alike and were of great reassurance to me to know that we shared the same beliefs. Some of the examples up on display were delightful.

It’s so easy to spot a teacher-assisted or –led drawing, There’s no magic in it.

Similarly, where have the notices and reminders gone about parents/teachers not drawing on the children’s artwork?

I know there have been new teachers arriving over the last couple of terms and perhaps this letter will be the catalyst to revisit the values that I considered vital when I enrolled my children here. This beautiful creative, fresh, innocent and unique creative phase of our children’s lives occurs only now, and I invite you and your team to recognize the value of these expressionist artworks that happen every day and to nurture and cherish them as you did before.

Bodes well.

2008-10-16T15:27:00.004+13:00

Since my current sport (indoor volleyball) is played in winter, I tend to be fitter over that time, and suffer a bit over the summer months now that I'm no longer a Camps Bay beach volleyball "local". I used to love cruising down to the beach to see who would arrive - grab a game or two or three before sunset(and sometimes beyond). That all changed with my decision to travel and sadly I've not dabbled with much beach volleyball since. It's been easier to find an indoor club in London (not many beaches there are there!?) and now in Rotorua, which is inland. So winter is it, leaving me with pilates or yoga over summer. Now pilates and yoga are good, but they don't quite get those endorphins going like a team sport.

I tried running, didn't I? Hmm. I can do it around the forest a bit. Can't say I'm liking it much though.

SO. What to do? Well chatting to Maria (of the wonderful reference fame)- she is playing in a netball tournament next February for women aged 30+. The oldest in their team is over 45. I checked to see if I can play too, but Ben's shifts are not favourable over that time and we can't squeeze anymore days out of his leave because we both are planning our overseas trips around it. I asked her and she asked the team coach if I could tag along for trainings (always nice to have more people to train with) and the response was most favourable! Great! For those who are not aware, netball in NZ is huge - very well covered in the press, and Rotorua is full of excellent past and present players. So the standard of coaching and workout is extremely good. Two years ago I played netball and realised I was benefitting more physically from a netball training than from a volleyball training. (Still love vb more though).
I joined them last night and loved it. Hard work! Lots of running around - brutal! But I feel great for having done it. And the girls (women!) all seem lovely, which makes a change from my previous experience - didn't enjoy that group of girls much at all.

All this bodes well for my summer physique! It bodes well for being toned in my red dress! Plus, when volleyball training starts in February, I'll already be cruising - shouldn't suffer any stupid injuries or anything.

Next week the group are meeting at the outdoor pool for some aquajogging. They're really intent on conditioning the bodies (since we all realise we take longer now) and seem to have a brilliant plan for getting the women ready, fit and able for their tournament in February.

Dear Kyla

2008-10-15T19:25:00.002+13:00

Dear Kyla
Today I thought of you: I thought how happy and excited you would be for me as I bought my first ever pair of red shoes! I remember seeing your red shoes (that inspired an English lesson)in our London flat and really wanting some RED SHOES! I think every girl wants them. For a while there I thought red was my new blue, and have been drawn to all the red shoes in the shop windows, but none have really been that practical,nor would I wear them much.

The first step to acquiring these red, high-heel shoes, was getting a red dress. Quite by accident, really. I was at Jo's shop having a stress-free play around and trying everything and anything that I fancied even slightly. (I have overcome my fear of fancy shops and trying on way-too-expensive-for-me clothes) (but only in Jo's shop!). I have a wedding coming up in April in Cape Town (just before Lynley and Simon's) which I have decided to go to and it was as good excuse as any to keep an eye out for something special at Jo's shop. She's just got all her summer stock in, so lots and lots of new stuff. Anyhow, I saw a flash of red hanging on the wall and thought how lovely it looked. It's a lovely woollen dress with silk sides - hard to describe, and I won't really bother, but just to let you know I felt like an old fashioned film star in it. A million bucks! Curves and all - it was a perfect fit and I loved it. I loved being IN it! I hadn't even looked at the price to be honest, because at that stage it was still a play around, but standing there in front of the mirror, I felt great about what I was seeing and I was sold. Regardless of price. In any case, I can pay it off gradually and Jo always gives me a discount anyway.

Now don't be jealous girl...but she gave it to me. This beautiful designer dress - she gave it to me in return for the work I'd been doing for her for her advertising and newsletters and things. You know Jo. I mean, I happily do this stuff for her because it's something I CAN give, something I CAN help with. All the time and effort and great food and nurturing we and our children receive from her and it's honestly the least I can do. So I happily accepted my red dress and drove home aglow.

"It's very red" was Ben's response.

"Typical!" I hear you laugh.

Yes, indeed. But I did get the ol' chin up, raised eyebrow approval from him.

This dress isn't really about Ben though and who likes it or who doesn't. It's how I feel in it. I feel like me. Like I used to be. Except with better quality clothes! Nice.

So the hunt for the red shoes began. And ended today. Again I smiled all the way home from Tauranga, even though, by all rights, I should be hanging my head in despair as I await the outcome of my fizzled Mac, which I took to the repair place today (the reason for my trip to Tauranga).

It's not to say I don't think of you every day: I do. Every time I opt for a "big yellow" cup of tea, I think of you and me and flopping on the couch after a long day - after any day really. Anytime too! You get the big yellow mug and I get the big blue. Every time I open the cupboard doors to get either a tea or a coffee, I have to make that decision: coffee or tea? And I smile and think of you.

I still treasure the two matching, blue, Japanese bowls you gave us - only use them for special "Ben and me" things (like chocolate ice-cream tonight). And I look at the little photograph of you in that zigzag, black, nine compartment photoframe thingy and remember how you were going to get me a summer picture (to match everyone else). You are the only one with a fleece and a scarf. That's ok - I like it as it is.

Well, I really just wanted to talk to you, but a letter is the next best thing.
Miss you.
me.

What the hell!?

2008-10-15T11:39:00.003+13:00

Away! Away SICK FEELING!
I was just online trying to figure something out (work related) when FFFFFFSSSSSSSSSSST! And dead goes my beautiful Imac. Black screen. Oh help! Oh shit! Something fused because I can hear the alarm beeping like it does when the electricity is down...but hang on, the phone and the lights still work...JUST MY COMPUTER!? AH SHIT.
Have I got a warrantee? Yes. I have a protection plan in place till May 2009. I phoned the number and got through to a nice, patient American voice. We tried a different socket to plug it into - still dead. I have a case number and now I need to take it in to a repair place.
Um, I'm right in the middle of a job - naturally.
Did I do a backup? Did I act on that nagging thought I'd had a couple of weeks ago?
No. Shit.

I'm on the PC now, checking my mail and stuff - and venting here. But why is the PC dipping in and out of power too? A few sizzles and crackles and off it goes, only to (robustly) start up again. What the hell is going on? It's frying my brain! I can't think in situations like this! What does it mean! What do I do now?

I'll report all to Ben when he returns from his morning adventure with Josh. We've enrolled Joshka for a term at the gymnasium - an introduction to gymnastics and all the equipment. We went to a couple of free introductory sessions last term which he loved, so we thought we'd give it a go.

And then this afternoon we can go watch some trampoline magic at the Events Centre - there's a competition on at the moment with the finals on Sunday. OR, I'll drive my poor Mac to Tauranga to the shop I purchased it from.

sniff.

Mia's artwork: Monster

2008-10-13T13:48:00.002+13:00

Sadly Mia has been more and more influenced by other people's drawings, throwing complete wobblies when I won't draw her a barbie or a pony. I've noticed her flowers are now typical (teacher influenced) stems with leaves and flowers - not nearly as magical as they were when she drew them with no outside influence. Nevertheless she continues to delight me with the occasional stunning thing, and at the moment it's all to do with letters and words. She's experimenting with them all the time and I just love the graphic appeal of them - like this one of a monster in all the letters.

bits and bobs

2008-10-12T10:33:00.003+13:00

My hairdresser is clearly very good. So good, in fact, that no-one notices when she's done a good job of tidying up the split ends and fixing the style. Not husband, nor children, nor friend has noticed a difference - ah well.

Furthermore we had sushi last week, made by brilliant Ben, which went down extremely well. So well that Mia said: "This dinner is SO delicious we don't even need dessert!". Now that's impressive.

I bought two avocados at market yesterday morning, which was a bit surreal, after our avocado surplus for the last few months. The last of our very ripe avocados were finally transformed into guacamole last night marking the end of the abundance.

I made my first roast beef last night accompanied by crunchy roast potatoes - the meat was sadly not pink in the middle, but it's a learning experience. "Le rosbif" sandwiches for lunch this week! ("Rosbif" being on of the few French words ingrained in my mind from my high school French.)

School holidays end today which means life resumes as normal as from tomorrow with people to meet and places to go. It's Mia's final full term of kindergarten (which she still loves) and the start of her school integration. On a Wednesday afternoon all the junior schools have an an afternoon session to get the new intakes used to the surroundings and expectations of 'big school'. Ben and I have been agonising about which school to send her to, but in the end have decided on one of the nearer ones, rather than the nearest Catholic one. We had an interview with the Catholic school (don't get me started on all the ûber kitsch Mary statues and Jesus things around the place) which confirmed that we would be 'non preference' even considering the tenuous link to a Catholic great aunt. It is definitely one of the best schools in the area, but honestly, I can't...we can't, we just can't! We feel so fraudulent trying to get her in there... The school just a little further down the road was also an option, but I wasn't too keen on it since it doesn't have a uniform (and I dread the pressure of looking like a princess every day (not me - MIa!) - plus I think all schools should have a uniform!) but when we had a look around there, we were informed that a uniform will come into effect next year anyway, so that concern was cancelled straight away. It seems very nice and pleasant, and thank god, nothing kitsch or bad taste around, Even the Maori stuff is ok to look at (or maybe I've become 'acclimatised' to it).

I received another phone call regarding a logo design (local again) when my business card was picked up from the printers where I left some on display along with other businesses. "CHOICE!" (as they say in NZ). Pity my 'secretary' didn't pass on the message and the poor woman had to phone again... Nevermind, all good now. Nice to have some business in this economic climate.

MIa is sulking because I won't draw her a Barbie. Nor will I trace around the shape of her Barbie, She is threatening never to get into my bed for a snuggle again. Life is so tough when you have such a mean mother.

Weekend away.

2008-10-07T10:40:00.002+13:00

We just spent the weekend in Papamoa at the Page family's beach house. It was a lovely getaway from the day to day routine and so good to feel the sand under my feet and grit in my teeth! Yes, the wind was up, so we sadly didn't spend a lot of time on the beach, but still, just looking up and seeing the waves, hearing them, smelling the sea air and not having any duties or demands, was just lovely. The children loved it, despite the fact that they were indoors a lot of the time - they amused themselves quite well for hours, until Ben's mum took them to her cousin a couple of doors down for a mini adventure. They came back all elated and showing off their newspaper trees and ladders they'd made along with their button necklaces they'd carefully constructed. It turns out Colleen has a huge collection of buttons put aside for exactly such an occasion: to amuse and occupy small children! We had an impromptu visit from Kushla from further down the beach who heard we were all staying the weekend, complete with freshly baked muffins. NICE! No shortage of cake and muffins, tea, coffee, chocolate and laughs.

On Saturday night we had a go at playing Trivial Pursuit (how long has it been!?) - girls against boys (4 vs 3). Girls got whipped. Then we divided into different teams with me pairing up with Ben and his dad. It was a close game but in the end, I was the ultimate loser, losing both games, while Fraser was the ultimate winner. I had had a glass of wine around 4pm which truly had me melting into my chair and giggling at the daftest things - SUCH a cheap date! Ha ha. I collapsed into a fit of giggles when I had to read the question:" Does Uranus have an aurora?" - it was extremely funny (for me). Yes, it turns out, it does.

Sunday night I opted for a beer with dinner, which was much more sensible. There were 4 of us on Sunday night (not including the kids) and we all spent it sitting in the lounge, listening to the surf, reading a book. Hours went by in a comfortable silence, broken occasionally with a yawn. At 8.30pm we were all ready for bed, but hung in there till about 10pm until lights out. Hardly a word was spoken and it was fine. Comfortable. Brilliant.

update on addictions

2008-10-07T08:56:00.002+13:00

Ok, so by all rights the asthma pump shouldn't be there if the anti-histamines aren't, right? So, EASY to update: OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE. The best best best best best best best tv drama ever. I'd sooner miss LOST, or BOSTON LEGAL, or DEXTER, or WHATEVER, Outrageous Fortune is the winner.

current addictions

2008-09-29T20:32:00.004+13:00

I've recently been 'tagged' again (same culprit! justbcoz) and have been thinking and thinking about it. I am to list my 5 big addictions.
Rules:
* Post at least five current addictions and why you’re addicted to them
* Link to the creator of the meme (Being Brazen) and to the person who tagged you
* Head your post with “Current addictions”
* Tag at least two people and pass on the above rules

The problem for me has been to determine which things are compulsions compared to addictions and the other things that are simply a necessity. For example: do I list my anti-histamine pills I take every morning as an addiction or is it just a drug that helps me function. I don't derive any pleasure from it, but I'm pretty dependant on it!

1. It's easy to list Coca-Cola as an addiction, even though I've been 'dry' (ha ha) for quite a while...I know the minute I have a sip of it that I could easily go back to consuming litres and litres of it. I just love the taste of a cold and really fizzy coke; it just hits the spot. So, that's easily my number one addiction.

What about things like squeezing pimples or peeling off flaky bits of skin with tweezers? Addiction or compulsion? Hmm.

2. I am addicted to my little boy's laughing giggle: I just love hearing it. A tickle will suffice if I haven't heard it in a while.

3. I am definitely addicted to my morning snuggles with my children. I really feel like I've missed out if it doesn't happen. I love the hands that touch my skin and the close embrace. Much better than an alarm clock.

Ok, so what about my asthma pump? I know I need it. I wouldn't cope without it.
4. Yes, ok, I list my asthma pump as another addiction.

5. A major addiction: facebook. I just can't help myself! I have to check who's online, who's been tagged in photos recently, and what's going on in other people's lives. It's the mundane stuff that keeps me connected. Somehow knowing someone's excited because they're getting a puppy, or because they're pregnant, or because they went flying in a hot air balloon, or because their child won a medal...it makes me feel a closer connection to them. And I am reconnecting with friends I would otherwise never have contact with again. Hooray for social networking! A HUGE addiction for me.

So, who to tag?
Vannessa. If you still read this, which I doubt.
Melanie. C'mon girl. Get writing again. I know your husband will pass on this good news... :)
heh heh heh

yay

2008-09-19T20:38:00.005+12:00

In amongst all this avo craziness I received a phone call from someone who had picked up my business card (l left a lot at the printers) and who wanted some help to design a logo and her corporate ID. This is my absolute favourite kind of work and so, I gave her a quote, to which she quickly agreed. We met, we talked over a coffee, we shared ideas and I couldn't wait to get started on her job! I've been hooked to my computer trying to get it right and presented it to her within a week. She loves what I did and thinks I'm the best. I'd like to share what she wrote to me today:

"Hi Linda,

I've just emailed a client for whom I'm finishing a franchise manual, and have included the following paragraph.. I hope you don’t mind.

“I am also pleased to be able to recommend the services of a wonderful graphic designer here in Rotorua. Her name is Linda Page, the director of Page Design Ltd. I’ve encountered many designers over the years but Linda is a breath of fresh air – her work reflects the aspirations, goals and objectives of the client, attention to those little details that matter, promptness and cost efficiency, ability to understand the direction of a business, and then translate it all into superior design work. I’m not sure if you are looking for a designer for any of your materials but just in case, Linda is great and I would be happy to provide you with details if you wish.”

See you Wednesday.

Cheers
Maria"

How lovely is that!?

jingle jangle

2008-09-19T20:38:00.002+12:00

SO, having a garage full of avocados has spurred me into action... I've taken some to Joshka's playgroups, I've even sold a couple at the printers when I checked on a job, I've sold a few at Mia's kindergarten, quite a lot at pilates classes, a few at the flower shop on the way from the car to pilates, a couple at the 'frock shop' on the way out of pilates - I've even sold some door to door as an afternoon adventure with Mia and Josh. Mia was the number one door-knocker, I was the talker, and Joshka was the hander-over of a bag of avocados. It was actually quite a helpful exercise in meeting and introducing myself to our immediate neighbours. I met Carol from next door and the Korean (?) lady from next door with her little baby (she's knocked on the fence to ask for more!). I found out that the neighbours across the road lost their lovely black Labrador - she was run over a month ago - very sad since she was a very good guard dog: only EVER barked if something was happening (like naughty kids spray-painting the fence). There's a new black puppy to replace her, but he's been driving our neighbour (who doesn't eat avos) nuts with all the digging in the garden... Furthermore, we met Mavis down the road from Zimbabwe and her two boys... and all in all it was (surprisingly) quite an enjoyable experience! I've quite enjoyed not being extremely shy. However, my final coup de grâce was to sell the remaining couple of crates at the Saturday market that happens every week at the park down the road.

I spray-painted my signs ($3, avocados), packed some colourful tubs, wore my most notice-me-dammit purple cotton top from Thailand, lined my pockets with one dollar and two dollar coins, packed the little fold-up wooden chair my grandfather made, and made my way to the market. I was a bit late, admittedly. I missed the steadfast, hardcore, early morning fresh-produce grocery shoppers at 7am and I also struggled to carry everything to where the action was. So I did what I could, and made myself comfortable under the nearest tree to my car. I'd sold 5 bags within 5 minutes before 2 official looking guys challenged my right to trade where I was. Yes, I agreed, I knew a license was required, but I'd had difficulty trying to track down the relevant person during the week, so I thought I'd do it all on the day...Gary...? Barry, they confirmed. I was very friendly and obliging, and it turned out, so were they. They offered to help me carry the load to the action and set me up next to the coffee van and opposite the entrance to the market, at the food corner of the market. It suited me fine, since I didn't want to compete directly next to the other vegetable sellers...who were selling outrageously priced avocados compared to mine (heh heh heh!). To my delight I met quite a few people I know- some parents from Joshka's play groups, one of Mia's kindergarten teachers, one of my volleyball mates, some of Mia's friend's parents...I suddenly felt like I was beginning to belong, that I was part of the community, and it felt good. Living in New Zealand, I don't tend to just bump into old school friends or acquaintances like I might if I were still in Cape Town. So imagine my surprise and delight to recognise a face that I hadn't seen in 10 years and one I'd tried to get hold of when we'd moved to NZ. I saw MIKE at the market. I met Mike in St Anton in my first season (same time I met Ben) in 1996 and at the end of the season we travelled with Lizzie and Freddo around Turkey. We shared some excellent times and great parties and the last time I saw him was when Lizzie, Ben and I did a trip around NZ in '98. I lost contact with him after that, even though I tried to get hold of him again. The BEST part of this story, is the fact that HE LIVES IN ROTORUA! It turns out I've met his wife and seen his sons at one of the play groups but not really spoken to her. Of course, now I will. I love the fact that I have one ready-made old friend living not far away and that Summer is coming and we can have BBQs and go to the lake with our kids etc. Just the knowledge that he's here has kept me smiling all week. That and all the cash in my pocket.

bundu bashing

2008-09-09T12:57:00.005+12:00

Ok so it's been a while, but I've been quite busy for a change. With the onset of Spring, I seem to have undergone a mental shift of gear, and it's all systems go. It's not like I suddenly have too much to do, it's just that I want to clean out that cupboard, or be proactive on this job, or do an extra load of washing and sort and fold AND put away, or take the recycling to the depot... or tidy up the garage - even sweep it...

I've started going to pilates classes again (I've had a break from it pretty much all winter while my back was a bit dodgy) which has been quite a shock to the system- aching muscles! I've only been the last 2 Fridays, which has coincided with another project for the last 2 weekends: picking avocados. My father-in-law has some avocado trees planted on a bank...about a 30-40° slope - when I say "some", I estimate maybe 50 - 60 trees? It's hard to tell. So, because of the slope, it's not like one can drive in a cherry picker and stand in the bucket while being hoisted up to the top branches. No, one has to climb up the trees and scramble down, or up, the bank to offload them into crates which, once filled, one has to take to the bottom (or top) of the bank to load in the car or trailer. Some serious lifting required!( A great bicep and tricep workout.) Of course, just to throw in a further spanner, there is a thick growth of blackberry around, which is a real PAIN. Not only do you have to scramble up and down the slope, climb the trees, and climb down them with a bag full of avocados (harnessed on, like a baby carrier - in fact I felt like I was 9 months pregnant again - no make that 15 months! Ha ha) but you also have to dodge and untangle yourself from the bramble.

I loved it. I loved climbing the trees and negotiating a way to get further up - to reach that out-of-range fruit dangling there enticingly... And it's been so very, very long since I spent time in a tree. It was like being a child again - brilliant! All the while I was imagining my mother expressing concern over me being too precariously placed, or taking too big a risk, but at the same time I knew that she would love to be up here with me doing even more crazy things with her acrobatic skills. Anyhow, I really felt happy to be doing something with a purpose. It was a real workout and I was absolutely shattered after not very long! My pilates-shocked muscles have been screaming at me! Plus, I can't wear short skirts (as Ben pointed out) what with all the bruises and scratches)..."Show me a short skirt in my wardrobe" is what I should have said. Never mind, they'll go away.

So now my next mission is to sell some of them so they don't go to waste! The smaller ones, that can't be sent to the shops, have been bagged (8 in a bag) and are being sold in the local deli where the in-laws live, but there are so many that I am sure the market there is flooded, so I volunteered to bring back 3 crates to try and sell here - only $3 a bag! Organic, tree-ripened avocados...hmmmmm.

I've sold one crate so far to other mothers at a playgroup. Now, how to shift the next 2 crates!?

gold medals.

2008-08-25T19:36:00.003+12:00

The doctor has awarded a 'gold medal' for ear infections to my two children. They are both on antibiotics (which they love the taste of) and will both be checked again after 2 weeks. Thereafter we'll test them each on their hearing to ascertain if there is cause for greater concern. It's good to know. Mia's nose should calm down and the irritation should go away thereby stopping the blood... all in all we hope to have more cheerful children soon.

Their mother certainly feels more cheerful having tried on her pre-pregnancy favourite blue corduroys, and wearing them the whole day yesterday without that cutting-in-to-the-midriff feeling. Plus, although there were on-again-off-again rain showers today, it was warmer, and there are blossoms appearing throughout the neighbourhood... Now, hopefully my anti-histamine pills will work throughout the spring so that I don't feel like scratching my face/arm/leg right off. At least I know, if things get bad, I can have another injection (steroids!) which makes the world of difference. I know it's not the best thing for me, but honestly, it helps so, so, so, so, so much in all aspects of my life - life is good again. I had one of these injections just before going back to South Africa in January (knowing that I suffered badly on my previous visit) and things were infinitely easier - I didn't have to worry about people's pets or the flora in their gardens or the amount of dust in the corner, or the pollen floating in on a breeze... I could enjoy every moment without a nagging allergy (or asthma) thought.

cunning plan.

2008-08-23T13:55:00.003+12:00

Ok, so it's not raining. Hooray! Sadly my children are not feeling that hot - the tail end of this cold that everyone's had, combined with interrupted sleep, and so they are not the best playmates, or children to take on outings. I considered taking them to the local market that happens every Saturday morning so we could buy the usual 6 samosa's for $5, play in the nearby playground, perhaps buy some tomato plants for the veggie garden, maybe even bump into a familiar face... but Mia was sneezing heavy duty sneezes, which in itself is not too bad, except that today, she has loads of blood in her snot. She is fascinated by it, but I decided it was just easier to contain them both at home, bloody snot and all, and to perhaps just keep them warm and fed so they can recover faster. Mia is definitely not herself - she had a fever during the night for 4 nights in a row during the week, but by day seemed okay. She persisted with going to 'kindy' and swimming lessons and ballet lessons, but I know she's under the weather.

So after packing away the dried laundry, putting on a new load, tidying up my bedroom, unpacking the dishwasher, changing Joshka's nappy, I formulated my cunning plan: to bore them to sleep while I do the recycling! As I write this now I have 2 sleeping beauties having a midday snooze. Surprisingly Mia fell asleep in the car while I was sorting through the recycling, but Josh remained alert and awake until I got home. I hung up the washing (after plonking Mia in my bed - not so easy putting her in the top bunk!) with Joshka 'helping' and then we both climbed into the hammock for part 2 of my cunning plan. Swinging gently and humming 'twinkle twinkle little star' I tricked my boy into falling asleep all curled up on me. One of the best feelings in the world for me - to have a little warm body fall asleep listening to my heartbeat. I breathed in the smell of him and slowly, ungracefully, emerged from the hammock, dodged the washing under the canopy and carried my boy inside to his room where I lay him down on his bed and pulled up the blanket.

And walked down the passage to my office. Ta da!

Wet wet wet

2008-08-22T16:09:00.002+12:00

Tomorrow it's Saturday, which means, it's going to rain. Just like the last 7 Saturdays. New Zealand is stuck in a weather pattern with cold fronts approaching every weekend (or sometimes for weeks on end!).

What to do, what to do. Ben's at work and it's just me at home with the kids...hmmm.

not nothing

2008-08-20T22:58:00.001+12:00

I heard tonight that we had 27 straight days of rain. So you see? The weather is a topic worthy of discussion! I'm currently patting myself on the back for not falling behind on the washing front. 27 days! That's not nothing, as my mother would say.

um bor ee

2008-08-19T19:35:00.003+12:00

Mia had loved books since, well, since forever. She was easy to please on the London buses with a packet of raisins and a little book to read over and over again. I have pictures and video footage of her reading aloud to herself over the last 4 years which is just fantastic.

Not so our little Josh. We put it down to a girl vs boy kind of thing - limited attention span...or second child syndrome - not interested in talking or reading because his sister does it for him, but lately...he's become absolutely OBSESSED with reading. Or to be more exact, having books read to him - over and over and over and over.

I think finally with his effort to talk more and to be understood, has come an interest in communication and stories. I am convinced too that last winter he had too many colds and ear infections along with glue ear, which must have affected his hearing and therefore his speech. I am thrilled to see some progress now with how he is forming his words and his vocabulary. I haven't had a real concern or 'bad feeling' about his late start with talking and am confidently trusting my intuition on this front. He is improving all the time, albeit without most consonants!

I had to smile today at the sneaky ambush: Ben had the lego on the floor and Josh proceeded to fill the empty lego box with the 10 library books we have at the moment. He sidled along the couch to put the box next to me (I was sitting next to Mia) and showed me his 'creation' - his box of books. I was suitably impressed (standard!) but had failed to comprehend up until that minute what a crafty approach he had taken as he passed me a book to "REE Mummy - pee?" He had successfully 'cornered' me! I think I read 4 books before I managed to escape the pleas of "um bor mummy!" (one more mummy).

We are all used to Joshka's favourite and well used phrase: "Um bor ee!" (One more thing to eat! Or, one more READ!). We announce dinner time as UMBO'EE time. A family "word" for the time being. It's great to know that he is communicating and being better understood now. The best thing is that he does seem to have a sense of humour - when imploring me to "dum mummy!" while pulling me somewhere (come mummy!) and I say "Don't call me dum! I'm not a dum mummy!" he laughs and laughs and gives me an extra pull: "DUM!"

Hey! The sun's out!

2008-08-13T10:12:00.000+12:00

The weather looked to be good for today so I did a load of washing last night and hung it up this morning before I'd even had breakfast. As I was eating my cornflakes it started (torrential) raining - sneaky clouds from the North. Dashed outside to save them and hung them up under the canopy on the deck. At that point I was a bit concerned about where I was going to put the 2nd load I'd already started. I had tried to be proactive and on the ball and was being punished! 10 minutes later the sun came out again with no sign of grey clouds, so I've now hung the 2nd load on the washing line and have put on a 3rd load - I only have one pink duvet cover and it really needs a wash (and needs to be dry to go back on Mia's bed tonight) - and I need to make hay while the sun shines, so to speak.

Of course I'm going to have a mountain of 'sorting' to do tomorrow. Ergh.

over it.

2008-08-13T09:34:00.002+12:00

Ok, so it's all about your mindset - I get that now.

On Monday I was chatting to another mother about various things and the topic of the weather came up - doesn't it always!? We have had nearly a month of solid rain, with only a few hours of sunshine sprinkled in between. She lived in Europe for a while with her husband and 3 children before coming back to New Zealand this year. She was amazed at the "winter" and how mild and short it has been. She pointed out that the trees are already blossoming - it's actually SPRING. So yes, we've had a month of rain, and yup, it's been pretty nippy, but, she said: "is that it?". So she thinks that compared to eg. Belgium, our winter is easy. (I can't help thinking she most probably has more money and a warmer house than we do. She certainly lives in the 'posh' part of town.)

On Tuesday I was chatting to another mother, who has just moved to NZ from South Africa. She's from the Johannesburg area, so, unlike me (from Cape Town) is not used to 2 weeks of solid rain, let alone 4. She is so miserable with all the rain is so sick of winter. She looks totally depressed. She also has issues with immigration and red tape, so I attribute a lot of the misery to that, but it was quite interesting to see the difference in attitude.

The first woman is a New Zealander so she would be used to it. The second is a South African who would definitely not be used to it, I sympathise. I know that Jo'burg winters are nothing like Cape Town ones, or Durban ones and it will take some getting used to. She is also one of those well groomed women - her hair is always immaculate, finger nails painted...make-up skillfully applied. Not quite as suited to the NZ lifestyle as say, me.

I have lived in Europe through l0 winters, and summers. I have lived in South Africa through 26 glorious summers and winters. I guess I am somewhere in between these 2 women in that I know it could be more extreme, but i'm over it too, and would like some sun. In the meantime, I'm in my jeans, tie my hair back, moisturise (maybe), brush my teeth and get ready for the day.
Pretty much like I did everywhere else.

Let the games begin.

2008-08-09T15:08:00.003+12:00

Does anyone else fight back the tears when they watch the Olympic opening ceremony? Surely it's not just me? Or maybe it's because I'm feeling under par...susceptible to mood swings and raw emotion. Maybe it's the fact that my sinus's are blocked and that any movement of the head sends a dull, but prominent, knocking pain through my head. As if, when I lean forward, my (heavy) brain is landing on the inside of my forehead. Never mind, it too will pass! In the grand scheme of things it's not major, but right now, it's a dampener. Can't get my grumpiness to go.

Grumpiness aided by two small children who won't eat their breakfast or lunch or dinner properly and who then moan and whine for 'treats' the minute after their plates are cleared. And who continue to perform for hours for same said treats. Which don't come.

That aside, wasn't that opening ceremony spectacular?! Wonderful.

lefty's a righty.

2008-08-05T12:31:00.002+12:00

I never realised how right-handed I am (even though I write with my left hand). Funny how an injury points out to you exactly how much you use that particular body part! Even if it's a little toe...would hate to be without one! I suspect that I have sprained my right wrist from a bit of a collision in the social volleyball last night. I am amazed at how hard it is to do simple things (turn the keys in the door, open up a new bottle of cough syrup- childproof lid, turn on the tap, open the fridge, fill up the kettle, open the milk - POUR the milk!).

I broke my left hand 5 years ago (also a social volleyball incident - in London) which saw me have plastic surgery to fix it (it was a butterfly fracture which left a bit of bone floating about; my fingers splayed at odd angles when I made a fist) - I almost felt posh having plastic surgery with the best of them in London's Chelsea Westminster Hospital...I remember being very amused to see the food menu come round - I had helped with the design of it not too long before with my work. Anyway, I had physiotherapy and everything, but it wasn't too bad considering it was my LEFT hand. OK, so I didn't write much, but hey, I use the computer now - mouse on RHS, no problem to clickety click! My right hand was absolutely fine to pick up the slack, so to speak.

Ben has been supportive - he bandaged my wrist last night and this morning. We concocted a Mickey Mouse splint last night to incorporate in the bandage (literally - Mia's Mickey Mouse ruler) which was discarded some time in the night. Too irritating.

Today, however, I am feeling pretty wimpish, considering I have a big fat cold too. I must have contracted a bit of the manflu going around, because, I tell you, it's hitting me HARD! It can't just be the regular flu (if there is such a thing) because I had a flu jab before Winter truly hit. I've had a revolting Lemsip thingy that you dissolve in hot water which had me covered in goosebumps the minute I drank some, and I suppose it IS doing a pretty good job of making me feel a bit better, but I could really do without all this toxic green stuff...the aches and pains, the blocked sinuses...the sneezes.

I'm trying to figure some code out for this website I'm working on and for the life of me I can't see what I've done wrong - it just won't work. I think I'll shelve it and get back to it another time.

stop!

2008-08-02T20:10:00.003+12:00

Again I'm listening to my little boy cough and cough and cough...I've tried all the fixes, even tried falling asleep next to him. Honey, Vicks, water, propped up mattress...fall asleep my boy! I am considering going to bed now, just to catch up on lost sleep over the last week with a sick boy and now, a sick girl too. Last night Mia had a temperature as well so I was up getting her some medication in the small hours of the night. It was a full bed this morning, but a crappy night's sleep for all. Ben came home at 7am after a hectic night at work and just wanted to fall asleep as fast as he could - I've seldom seen him so grumpy! Everyone UP and OUT!

I'm at a loss. I just don't know what to do about the children - both are coughing and awake and miserable. I even tried reiki, seemed to work for a bit, but I can't do both children at the same time!

There's a storm shaking the house and rain falling on the roof and all I want to do is climb into bed and fall asleep. I can't. Not listening to these two children coughing and whimpering. It must be so sore already... Please, just please fall asleep!

boyflu?

2008-08-01T20:34:00.003+12:00

Josh has a cold - according to the doctor. Ben reckons it's a bit of a manflu thing. In any case, Joshka's mattress is propped up slightly, he has Vicks on his chest (and the soles of his feet - the instep part)(will try any and all remedies that claim to work!), has had a spoonful of honey, all his asthma pump medication, some water, and seems to have finally gone to sleep. I was wondering how long he'd be up tonight since he had TWO sleeps today...UNHEARD OF!

I am looking forward to playing some volleyball this weekend. It's been a long while since I played a match and I am eager to give it my all. I endeavour to stretch properly and have a good warm up so I don't do my back any more damage (than is absolutely neccessary). And I will wear my back brace too - it seemed to help at training. The hardest part will be to deflect all things bitchy (that come with the territory unfortunately). I seem to have a bit of a personality clash with one key player who can't help herself but to be crass, rude, obnoxious and "otherwise".

giggling boy

2008-07-31T16:38:00.003+12:00

It was a bit strange, being that it was about 9pm, to hear giggling coming from the children's room. Not giggling between the two children, just one, laughing out loud, when he should have been fast asleep. I thought perhaps he was having a fabulous dream or something, but when we tiptoed into the bedroom to check up on what mischief was occurring, it was just our Josh, still perfectly under his covers, laughing out loud at nothing in particular. Ben even shone the little torch on his mobile phone at Josh to check if he was asleep or awake: eyes wide open and laughing. What was even more disconcerting was that he continued to giggle as we walked out! Wha'? Ben returned back a little while later to check on Josh, to kiss him on the forehead and to encourage him to fall asleep... "Mummy ting?" was Joshka's request (mummy sing?) but it was way past singing time so no 'tinging' for our little man. Perplexed and bemused parents went to bed a while later, but were awoken in the early hours by crying. I went to fetch him and found him at the base of his bed (odd place to be) standing there crying...poor thing. Was he disoriented what with the new sleeping arrangements? I picked him up and was immediately aware of how hot he was. Ben confirmed my suspicions and we dosed him up with some medication and water, and tried to settle him to going back to sleep. In our bed. He was very restless and full of wriggles and kicks. Ben was working the next morning so I put Josh on the outside to shield Ben from the pummeling. It was a grumpy few hours for me and by 5am I was truly shattered! Ben got up early (good man) and saw Mia get up too. He decided to set her up with a bit of early morning tv to allow Josh and myself to catch up on a bit of sleep. He said he would phone (placed the phone beside her) to let know when it was time to wake mummy up.

I was blissfully asleep (at last) and completely unaware any of this was going on. I was sort of starting to wake up when Mia marched into the room saying, "MUM! I talked to Daddy on the phone and..." i propped myself up and had a conversation with her, feeling strangely not too bad considering it was early - ah - it was already an hour past when I would normally get up! SHIT! How-? And then I heard Ben coming inside...But-? He was beaming at the fact that Mia had managed to answer the phone and have a decent conversation with him, even though he realised he'd forgotten to show her which button to press to answer. Added to that, she'd turned off the tv 'cause her "eyes were getting sore" and had informed him of it over the phone. What was she doing then? She was quietly playing with her dolls and their pram in the lounge...

Ben had come in to help me get them ready to take to school. Nominations for husband-of-the-year goes to....BEN! What a brilliant help. Getting the breakfast, teeth, hair and clothes done, making the lunch and washing some dishes...all so much easier when there are 2 adults available. Never mind that he was still on call (his work partner was parked out front doing a vehicle check...) but I was just so impressed that he'd thought of a) keeping Mia from waking us after our restless night b) called to wake us up (even though I never heard the phone!) c) come IN to help! Fabulous.

Josh seems to be ok, but we'll see after tonight. The fever was gone with the medication, but came back this afternoon. It's under control again, but I'll most probably take him to the doctor tomorrow (get in before the weekend!) if there's no improvement.

And well done to Mia who answered the phone by pressing the correct button, turned the tv off and played so well by herself. Soon she'll be making her own breakfast and lunch and walking herself to school!

gems from my 4 year old

2008-07-31T16:10:00.006+12:00

Mia's dad features larger than life in her world. Aptly illustrated in this drawing where he's "sooooo big, that he can hang the banner on the sky." Everyone is wearing a crown (and these days we have hair, although we've lost our five fingers). Mummy (top left) was an after thought, really, but never mind, we're all there! Sized from smallest (Josh) to largest.

This next drawing was a complete surprise to me - a departure from the norm, and I LOVE it! When asked, Mia explained to me that it's a giraffe... What about these? (On the right hand side...)"Hmmm, it's antler land..." I love the abundance of legs!

Following on from "antler land" is another drawing of two giraffes (legs like ladders!), a snail, and a bee with a STINGER!...and some writing...

domestic goddess... not I.

2008-07-28T15:49:00.005+12:00

I don't pretend to enjoy being a housewife. It's one chore after another. And this week, I am going to feel the full brunt of being one since my shift-working husband has taken on a couple of extra day shifts. I KNOW I am lucky to be married to such a lovely Kiwi man who is not afraid of vacuuming, cleaning toilets, cooking, dusting, changing nappies etc etc, in fact, I'd even venture so far as to admit that he is a better 'wife'! I am especially lucky because he works two 11 hour days, followed by two 13 hour nights. followed by 4 days off...so that leaves him, in effect, at home during the day, for 6 days out of 8. Which is, for such a housewife slacker such as myself,fabulous. Also, it does allow me to get in some work hours in front of the computer (in theory) and to get a break from the kids.

We were recently given (actually a present for Ben since it was his birthday) a slow cooker. You toss in some veggies and a chunk of meat on top, leave it on low for the whole day, and hey presto! All done and dusted! Minimal prep time and even less thought! Of course I haven't looked into doing anything fancy in it yet, but have had 2 delicious dinners so far. It also helps we get given 'top ups' for our freezer by Ben's parents, who processed one of their cows that keep the grass short around the property. One hundred percent organic beef! Great! They currently have 3 cows and are debating which one to 'process' next...there's the lovely "angel face" who is getting enormous, the new cow "grassy arse" (Mia named her "grassy" which got spun into "gracias") who had run with the bulls before being bought and gave birth to a calf last year. This calf (Luna Rossa), still suckling, would make very tasty, tender meat... I'm glad it's not me making the decision. Makes me feel quite a bit guilty for being a meat eater in the first place...

Anyhow, as it turns out, Ben didn't work today (had originally planned to) so I've managed to go for a walk, have a swim, do some work and catch up here...but I really, really, really need to pay the house some attention. It really, really, really needs a tidy. Which is fine, I don't mind, since I have achieved some other important things too. Not as much as some people fit into their day, but being a novice at this housekeeping job (and I don't profess to have high ambitions about becoming an expert) I will do it one step at a time and the most important things first!

NZ is being pounded by bad weather - lots and lots of rain and wind expected over the next few days. Doesn't bode well for the pile of washing gathering in the bathroom (and on my bedroom floor). I missed the only sunny day (yesterday) what with getting the kids to school and to playgroup on time (and sticking dinner in the slowcooker)...by the time I was walking back home before midday, I realised the futility of doing a load of washing since the sun was already disappearing behind clouds, so I took Josh for a walk to the park instead and pushed him on the swings. A much better decision! He had fun and fell contentedly asleep on the short walk back home, so I had a peaceful lunch break. But I still didn't do a load of washing. Ah well, I'll see what can be recycled and do a load of undies, socks and thermals to dry in front of the heat pump.

the bunk bed saga

2008-07-25T21:12:00.003+12:00

The bunk bed experiment didn't go so well last night; I'm crossing my fingers it goes better tonight. Josh woke up around 9.30pm (unheard of!) before I'd done a general tidy up, before I'd done the dishes, before I'd had a shower, or brushed my teeth, or got into my pyjamas... Since he now sleeps UNDER Mia, I didn't let him cry too long for fear of waking her (can't cope so well with 2 awake kids in the night) so after failing to console him while still in bed, I yanked him out and took him through to the lounge to check him out (wasn't too hot, no rashes or bites, nappy fine - bad dream?). He gets into these moods sometimes and it's hard to get him out of them. Ben normally threatens to take him outside, and usually does, for a walk to the corner and back, which seems to settle him and bring him back to reality. I admit to being more of a sissy: don't really fancy walking outside at night with a crying boy in my arms. In any case, Ben was at work, so I wouldn't leave the house with one sleeping child unattended, no matter how short a period I was gone for. So I let him cry it out on my lap and slowly coerced him back to sleep in my arms. Isn't that what being a mother is all about? A warm, safe, comfortable place to be for any little body in distress. I walked back into the room after about 30 minutes with my little snoring bundle only to have him start crying again the second he was back on the mattress. It wasn't even a cold mattress! I'd just moved the hot water bottle out the way so there was a warm spot to plonk him on. I thought he'd calm down and gently fall asleep again...but to no avail. Repeat the process again. After 45 minutes I tried putting him to bed again. This time he performed even louder, working himself up to such levels of hysteria that I thought he would vomit with all his sobbing and coughing. By this time, of course, I'm more than annoyed that I'm not winning. My gentle demeanor has left the building temporarily and I see that the only way I am going to get him to go to sleep is if he is in my bed, beside me. So I told him to get into my bed while I brush my teeth, forfeit my shower and get into my pyjamas. He won't get in until I'm in already which is tricky because I have to put the light off and I just know he's going to think he's been abandoned in the darkness! Silly boy. I pulled him in with me and obliged his tantrum. He wanted me there, but not. This way but not that way...In the end I turned over and pretended the feet pounding my back was a lovely massage... All through the night he was unsettled and full of kicks for his bed partner. Not a great nights sleep for either of us. But I am certain I would have been up and down and up and down had I not succumbed. Lucky Ben was away. He's not a fan of little bed partners. I don't mind so much (we've been lucky to not have vigorous wrigglers).

In the morning, Mia came in for the morning snuggle and I commended her on being such a good girl for sleeping the whole night! In her NEW BUNK BED! What a big girl! What a clever girl. Joshka was still sleeping on the other side of me, doing a good impression of a teenager not wanting to wake before midday...I told Mia he'd been a grumpy bum all night. We laughed together until finally it really was time to get up (should have been up at 7, it was already 7.30). Finally Joshy woke up with a little smile and I told him Mia wanted her morning snuggle...he propped himself up and leaned over me to reach Mia who was leaning towards him on my other side, puckered his lips and gave her a gentle kiss. What a worthwhile little moment to remember, especially because she didn't pull away or recoil, she just smiled with me.

rearranging the furniture

2008-07-24T20:26:00.002+12:00

My two lovely children are fast asleep in their "new" bedroom. We rearranged things today and popped the beds back into their bunkbed format, which has freed up a lot of floorspace again. Josh used to be in a cot when the bunks were last up, but now without a cot in the room, we've moved the cupboards against the other wall and the nappy changing table is out of our room and back in theirs! Great!

I just managed to secure another little design job...finally the word-of-mouth networking is starting to pay off.

productive...

2008-07-23T23:10:00.003+12:00

I feel like I've achieved some stuff. Little bits here and there. Must be all the lists I'm making, to remind myself that in the real world, things need to be done! I sent a lot of emails requesting quotes and sending proofs. I made up some raffle ticket books (for the volleyball club I belong to) - perforated, cut, numbered: the works! I checked to see if I'd been paid (I have). Updated a website. Filled in my time sheets. I played with my kids, I made dinner...I put away some washing...I chatted online to a few friends...I went to volleyball...I've made a coffee date for tomorrow morning with a friend who finds herself "sans children" and would like to meet up. Yay, looking forward to it.

I am off to bed with one sore arm from numbering all those raffle tickets.

Moderation

2008-07-17T22:09:00.003+12:00

Speaking of my girlfriends... I just had a long Instant Messaging conversation with one of my best friends. What a relief! How great to just throw down my thoughts as they spill out of my brain and literally laugh out loud as I sit here in front of my computer. It was a bit stop-start at first (what with the time difference and us both getting phone calls inbetween) but once we got into the swing of things, it was hard to tear myself away.

I'm finding it increasingly harder and harder IN GENERAL to get away from my computer these days. It seems only fair I should write something here in that case...since I spend so much time escaping my immediate surroundings. It's not that I don't want to be where I am, I'm just finding it so INTERESTING. It's so fascinating to be talking to people I haven't seen or heard from in 10 or 20 years. They're out there, and online, and not as shy as they are in 'real' life when it comes to typing something to say...some witty comment or some random statement. It's flattering too because, like I said, these people haven't seen or heard from me in 10 or 20 years, so in their heads I am younger, fitter, with longer, lighter, sun kissed hair and a great tan. A great platform to begin from!

In reality I am finding it hard to focus on what has to be done, what needs to be done and what should be done. I vary from day to day in my performance... but have made a real effort in the last week to GET OVER IT and concentrate on the here and now!

As I said to my mom once when I was much younger, "I want to be good now". I want to be able to leave my computer for hours at a time...I want to be able to get a good chunk of work done without checking for friend's status updates every so often. I want to get physical - do some gardening, or paint the house, or bounce on the trampoline with my kids... I will! I MUST! I must not become consumed, addicted! I must break free!

No, I just have to be smart about it. Just give myself an allotted time...just a little bit here and there. Everything in moderation.
(Boring.)

8 random things

2008-07-16T21:12:00.004+12:00

Following on from my previous post...
OK. Here are 8 random things about me, that not a lot of people might know.

1. I can't live without my "Amazing Flygun" . I don't consider us to have a fly problem, but you know, in summer, the buggers manage to get in the house...and so with Mia and Josh in tow, we go on a FLY HUNT! "We're going to catch a big one, we're not scared! What a beautiful day..." My flygun in one hand and my dustbuster in the other (sometimes they are just stunned, but if I suck them all up, at least I get rid of them). There's something really satisfying about it. (Oh, it's very effective on a cockroach too.)

2. Once, I had the experience, or the sensation, that I could breathe underwater. I think I was swimming just under the surface when I felt like I could breathe...it's very hard to explain. But after 3 or 4 "breaths" the little voice in my head was making a pretty valid argument that this was impossible and maybe I was actually drowning? I wasn't. I'm sure of it. But I didn't want to experiment for too long, so I lifted my head for air (I wasn't out of breath or anything) and breathed normally. Of course I couldn't recreate the same feeling again...much like trying to get back into that really good dream you were having before something woke you up.

3. When I told this guy I met about my "I can breathe underwater" experience (I don't know how it came up), he knew what I meant: he'd ALSO had a similar experience. What are the odds?? I don't think he was that desperate to impress...and I still talk to him about it sometimes, since I'm married to him now.

4. All my ex-boyfriends have international passports. All of them have left South Africa and live overseas (apart from my very 1st boyfriend). I think it was pretty inevitable that I would end up living overseas. I manage to keep in contact with them all, albeit briefly, every now and then.

5. I discovered the value of girlfriends too late in life. I have some wonderful girl friends and I am truly lucky lucky lucky to have them - I just wish we could all live in the same country.

6. I've always been self conscious about my tummy. It's not an ironing board kind of stomach. I look back at photographs now and think "OH MY GOD, IF ONLY!"... I remember the first time Ben fell asleep behind me and wrapped his arm around me how I lay there for a bit holding my stomach in until I was reasonably sure he was asleep. Of course, I loved being pregnant and not worrying about "letting it all hang out"! Which is followed by the current me, who has a post pregnancy mummy tummy. I'm trying to get down a size or 2 but have been hampered by my back so haven't really been able to do as much as I wanted to. I also have a weakness for a biscuit with my coffee or tea, but I'm pretty sure everyone knows that about me.

7. When I was sent to the shop to go buy some ciggies for my mom... (can't do that these days!), I used to buy 2 chocolates for myself and eat one really quickly on the way home so it would appear that I only bought one, which I could savour, to eat at home. I sometimes still do that. The only person I'm fooling is myself, right?

8. I just really don't like kidney beans. The texture...it's all wrong. One of the first things I learned on our travels in Central and South America was to ask for my meal without beans, please. The ONE time we were taken into someone's home and made to feel part of the family (they were a really lovely family in Mexico) I tried my utmost - my absolute BEST - to finish what was on my plate...I managed half, but I really couldn't. I honestly tried, but I just could not go on. I still feel bad about that, but at least I know I tried my best. I usually do. One can but try.

a new challenge

2008-07-15T15:28:00.002+12:00

It's a strange thing: I started this for me, and perhaps my mother and father, but now I have to come to terms with the fact that there are actually other people out there who I don't know (not even someone I've vaguely heard of!) who may be reading. I mean, OF COURSE other people are going to read it, I'm just realising the magnitude of it. Specifically because I have recently been "tagged". I am very much into my online social networking phenomenon that is facebook (it is absolutely perfect for me to keep in some kind of 'touch' with my friends who are scattered all around the world) and I do tend to follow links and look at peoples websites and things that they have published online. I have been reading a blog of an old family friend of mine and getting to know her a little better without actually putting in any effort...I've been a passive friend. Are we even friends? We were when we were little. We had lots of fun together, but I'm struggling to find those memories...they are sitting in a dark corner, not wanting to step into the light, so I've left them there and am focusing on the new, older, wiser, broken, fixed, mother of 2 that I am observing through her blog. We did meet a while ago. We didn't really have the chance to connect again, it was hard to think of things to say and I admit to being completely distracted by the fact that it was my birthday and I was seeing a whole heap of other friends and family who's friendship timeline was more intact. I was interested to see if she really was as stunning as the photographs of her I'd seen...and yes, she was fit, toned, tanned, and all grown up - my mental picture of her had to change somewhat (it was 30 years out of date).
Turns out she also follows links and things, and found me here. And tagged me. Which means that I have to share some random things with the readers out there about myself: thing they don't already know. Since I imagine my mother to be my number one fan on this site, it's quite a challenge to think of 8 random things that she doesn't already know. Or my husband. That is a big challenge, so I'm thinking, I'm thinking!

What's good is that I'm actually writing again. I've been thinking up some absolute beauties of late, but am finding it hard to manage that final hurdle of getting it committed to my blog! Distractions and daydreams...

my boy

2008-06-27T19:35:00.002+12:00

Joshka has a good vocabulary, it's just that is isn't quite the same as everyone else's. He can easily count to ten:"un, do, ee, or, eye, dik, e'en, ade, ine, den." and he can tell his "boo's" from his "een's" (blue and green), but I'm afraid the consonant drop-and-swap is still in full force. Unsurprisingly he has mastered "poo" and "wee" and loves shouting those words! "Yeah", "uh oh!" and "mine" are others that we all recognise and "mummy" and "daddy" of course. Mia is still "bear" and no is still a firm "OH!". It's extremely endearing and my heart aches when he's desperately trying to tell you something with lots of words which come out as a battery of nearly-there sounds...and you just know it's important, or amusing, or insightful...but my poor boy has to make do with our adult takes on what we think he is saying...to which he usually responds to with a much less emphatic "yeah" than the rest of his soliloquy. We do our best and he is adorable.

The other day Ben told me of how they had been to the shops and how Josh had communicated he wanted something to eat ("Iwonsingt'eat"). Ben dutifully peeled a mandarin (Joshy's favourite!) and passed it back to him to have on the way home. Josh wanted nothing to do with it and bawled all the way home until he got another one at home... Ben was confused. I pictured the scene in my head for a minute and then asked, " Did you break it in half before you gave it to him?" Ben's eyebrows went up and he said that of course he had. Therein the mistake. Josh wants it whole. He likes to peel his own mandarin or banana and wants it whole or NOT AT ALL.

Breakfast is another area where we've observed a Joshka-trait. If any of his porridge should fall on the (quite wide) rim of his bowl he becomes distraught and miserable until one of us pushes it back in the bowl or wipes it away. He just won't have it!

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Obsessive compulsive?
Possibly. We'll wait and see.

My boy is a dear little thing who loves his morning snuggle in the big bed with mum and dad and sister... "Yay. YAY. Yay!" he says as he wriggles around trying to wrap both my arms around him and under him, claiming me all to himself ("Mine"). He's affectionate and playful, thoughtful and willing to share. He loves his sister and his dad and his mum. He always asks, "Where's Dad? Where's Mia" if he's first in bed for a snuggle and they're not there, Daddy's at work, I tell him. Mia's still sleeping. "Oh." he says and squirms about a bit more, wrapping his arms around my neck.

Our latest trick is "gentle hands" brought about by him having gentle hands to stroke a baby's head the other day. Now he does gentle hands on my face (or sometimes Ben) which is a real treat for me...but as Ben points out, it's kind of progressed to a (ticklish) gentle finger. It strokes your eyelids, the tip of your nose, a line on your cheeks and ever so gently, a line on your lips...sometimes it even gets to your ear which is unbearably ticklish and results in giggles.

I cherish my time with my little boy.

thankyouey

2008-06-09T08:05:00.002+12:00

Looking up at the butterfly mobile above Joshka's bed, I asked Mia, "Do you still look at the butterflies up there?". She said she did..."Do you remember who made those for you?". No..."Ouma made those for you when you were still a baby in London" I told her.

Mia: "Ouma is so thankyouey..."
Me: "She's what?"
Mia: "Thankyouey.She gives us so many presents and love we say thank you...she's so thankyouey !"

Evidently if you say thank you to a person a lot they are a thankyouey person.

Herewith a smile for you.

2008-06-02T22:46:00.005+12:00

I think it's a pretty universal theme...little brothers have an awesome collection of embarrassing photographs that can be carefully stored away and brought out at their 21st birthday celebrations. Older sister who is into all things pink and princess and is keen to share and bestow upon her brother the joy of ballet and princesshood - Mia. Willing and eager learner, who feels accepted and praised when he joins in the fun and dance - Joshka. Wicked and delighted mother stalking her twirling children with a camera - me.

bat poo

2008-05-28T11:50:00.004+12:00

Today's the day, one year ago, that I got that phone call to let me know that Kyla had died. I remember being all snuggled up in bed with Mia while taking the call. All I said was "oh no... oh no..." and I had to explain to her what was wrong. It's hard to believe it was only one year ago - I feel (again) like time has warped. I can't believe it's already nearly June - going so fast, and yet, it seems like SO long ago.

My children are quite a delight at the moment and growing so fast. Josh is making a real effort to talk, but drops and swops his consonants all over the place so it takes a real leap of lateral thinking to figure out what he is trying to say. Luckily Mia is around to interpret most of the time! "Bear" = Mia. "Go" (like the beginning of "god") = Joshka and my favourite: "bat poo" = pesto. It's a laugh a minute with my boy! Mia is also keeping me smiling with her incredible logic and awareness; she's amazing. She is now enjoying one ballet class a week, and it's very endearing to watch. My poor girl can't quite get the skip going and tends to gallop around the room. It's really hard keeping in the giggles for my part, especially since all the parents have been told not to laugh, that their children all battled with the skipping initially and that they know they're not doing it quite right, so we shouldn't laugh... Of course I completely agree since I am still reluctant to speak Afrikaans in front of my mother for fear of what a redneck I must sound...I know it's a bit ridiculous, but in truth, I'd rather have a go in German, than sound like an English Afrikaaner! No guilt trip for my mom, it's just the way it is.

24

2008-04-27T20:51:00.002+12:00

That was possibly the hardest night we've endured as parents. Of course it was pretty terrible for our poor children. In the end Ben and I each slept in a room with one child on opposite ends of the house so as not to wake each other with all the multiple nappy changes and comings and goings in the bathroom. Mia and I would wake up hourly with Mia frantic to retch in the bowl, all doubled over and groaning. My poor girl. It continued this morning but slowly abated so they could at least sip their water without having to dash for the bowl. It was a very sad sight to see a little boy begging, limply, for water in the kitchen, whimpering. It broke my heart. Eventually though, they have managed to keep their Marie biscuits down and really like their flat Coke!
I decided today that even though it was a horrendous 24 hours, children who are on the mend are actually really lovely to have around! They are calm, manageable, affectionate and they don't wriggle much! Joshka crawled onto my lap this afternoon and just sat there with his head on my chest and arms around me, until he fell asleep. (UNHEARD OF!). Mia needed cuddles as well and snuggled up to me on the other side, clinging to my right arm and fell asleep too. I soaked in the rare moment. There were lots of lovely gentle, quiet moments today with both children and they were just lovely. I can see they are on the mend, which is gratifying. I hope, after all their daytime sleeps, they still manage to sleep all night.

And most of all I hope not to contract the same horrible bug as they did. Could do without that.

Not so

2008-04-26T19:58:00.002+12:00

Did I say "under control"? Yes, I suppose it was, for a while. Until Joshka decided to join in the fun and games. I was hotfooting it between my two children, rinsing and returning the bowl to one or the other, changing foul nappies quickly in between. Running a hot bath for Mia after she woke up vomiting and messing her pants while still in bed. Sometimes a bath is better than trying to clean it all up with wipes. But there I was literally running between my two children, trying to contain all that was being thrown my way. And 2 loads of washing too. (Yes, it's raining and the forecast is miserable for tomorrow too, and I have no more space on my inside washing line!). After Josh started vomiting his lunch all over the couch, I knew I had lost the advantage and was crumbling under the pressure! Josh in the bath, content for now, but Mia vomiting again...retching, really. There's nothing else IN there to vomit.
Thank goodness Ben is back from work to catch, clean and console with me. He is currently convincing Joshka to go to bed. We've had one false start with Mia already.
I hope it passes quickly. Joshka has already had the runs and has already been sick a day ago. We thought he was on the mend. I expected Mia to follow suit, but not that Joshka would start again! He only just started eating breakfast again this morning. "Bikbik" was demolished (Wheatbix).
But there he goes again. I'd better go and help.

It's not something you want to hear about.

2008-04-26T13:55:00.003+12:00

Well, one hears the stories about parenting, and how unglamorous it is, but you never quite know how you will fare until you're hit by the horrible truth: "I need to vomit, Mummy!"...In the time it takes me to assess a safe place to pull over (I'm on a pedestrian crossing so I pull over half on it and half off it, obstructing the parked cars from getting out-cars have to veer onto the wrong side of the road to pass us now), switch on my hazard lights (just so people know it's not out of choice that I am parked like this), dash out of the car, open the door behind me, and witness the vomit, onto the skirt...too late. A small consolation is the fact that I manage to get the spare ice-cream container onto her lap before the second wave. We've just had take-away hot chips so the vomit is, it has to be said, of a manageable consistency which isn't spreading too far and is mostly contained on Mia's skirt and jersey. I scoop her up and stand her next to the car, letting all the 'mash' drop to the ground. I'm almost feeling guilty about the mess we are making. But secretly glad we're not at home. OK, now let's step out of your skirt...easy does it. Allow me to take off this jersey: pull your arms in...let me lift the back over your head (so we don't immerse you in your own vomit!). Wipe down the small specks on the car seat with the wipes I have in the nappy bag... and help Mia back into the car. Wipe down the seat belt: it was kind of in the line of fire. Gather all the spent tissues and wipes, and the ice-cream container, and dispose if it in the rubbish bin 2 metres away. The spoiled clothes are bundled into a plastic bag and are in the boot. I am grateful that in all this time, no-one has commented or hooted as they have passed and have obviously assessed the situation compassionately. I climb into the driver's seat and watch with a morbid interest as seagulls flock to the scene. We watch as they huddle to devour their lunch. Mia and I laugh about it and drive off home to a change of clothes and a session of afternoon tv under a fleecy blanket, on the couch next to a big pot, while Joshka has a nap and I write about our experience. The washing machine is going now and all is under control.

Dog Piñata and Lady with Trolley

2008-04-20T21:49:00.004+12:00

It's school holidays again... Time to be an active parent and engage in all sorts of entertainment for my children. Luckily drawing is still one of Mia's favourite activities (as long as I keep Joshka away from annoying her) and she has been presenting me with absolute gems of late. Mia is fascinated with letters and how they form to be words and is making "books" and writing pages and pages of "letters" and "stories" that are quite lovely. I hope to spend some quality time with her while Joshka has a snooze to look at letters and how we make them and what they mean when we put them all together. Here are two drawings she came up with in the last two days. I note with interest that a sky(line) has been introduced and that the fascination with FIVE fingers has reduced somewhat. I also find Mia's "4" quite charming!

Portraits on my wall

2008-04-03T20:09:00.006+13:00

I commented on the mug Mia was drinking out of today (it had her name on it). "Do you know who gave you that mug" I asked. She didn't. "It was Kyla."
"Oh..."
"Kyla died last year...she's Lynley's sister..."
"I KNOW, Mummy"
Ok then. We continued with our dinner and after a while, Mia had something to say about death. "When you die and you're underground, you can't brush your teeth, so you get rotten teeth under the ground." Can't really argue with that. I explained how the whole body will eventually turn into the soil that makes the ground. She was impressed. "And when someone dies we can't...if we want to see them... we can't just fly over to see them, 'cause they're dead, " she added. Correct. But I think we can still keep them alive in our minds by talking about them. I think about Kyla a lot. I see all her special little gifts around the house that she chose for me and for Ben and for Mia - all thoughtful and chosen with love. She's not around to reinforce her presence, so I will do it how I can. We have photos of all the family scattered around the house, including one of her, which Joshka and Mia find regularly and play with. Can they name all the people? Not always. But that's to be expected.

Today I completed an art project that has been brewing in my head for a long time. I was inspired by a piece in my sister-in-law's house in Auckland: some stencil work (with spray paint on canvas). I knew I wanted to do something along that line; something graphic, something that requires careful choice of line and shape. Last week when Ben was working a night shift, I looked through all my photographs on my computer, with an eye to make them into something spectacular, something special. Something other than a photograph. I found a few which were less than average photographs in their own right, but which, when manipulated into high contrast pictures became something out of the ordinary. I have been collecting ready-made canvases over the last year (when they were on special...you never know when the creative urge might pounce) and now I had an idea of what to put on them. I bought some spray paint and found some cardboard to cut out my stencils, stuck my printouts on the cardboard with spray glue, and started cutting away bits here and there with my scalpel. My fingers hurt from pressing so hard on the scalpel to get it through the cardboard, but I don't mind it. It's an achieved pain; a process caused it. Much like a good workout when your muscles are so sore afterwards. Anyway, Ben was on hand to distract the kids and to help open the tins of paint (I used the colour of the wall in my lounge as the base coat), get newspaper handy, give advice on technique (he got his head bitten off for that!), recommend waiting for the canvas to dry a little longer, and to encourage me. He liked the project, which counts. Now I plan to hang them on the wall, which is blue, like the canvas.

I had fun! It was so good to get something done...and I hope to do more.

Closed for business

2008-03-21T14:11:00.003+13:00

What a fool! A fool with tunnel vision, focusing only on one thing and no other. Not factoring in the whole picture. I knew it was a public holiday today, the day before my little boy's 2nd birthday. I knew Ben would be home to distract the children while I play wife-wife or rather, mum-mum, and bake and prepare for tomorrow. I'd do what I could in the morning and then I'd pop to the shops for the final preparation shop. Er... "doos" is a word that springs to mind...the shops, of course, are closed. It's not all bad, it just means a few things won't be done! Forget it, I say, I'll do it some other time. I did go down to the little dairy/shop on the corner to buy eggs and icing sugar and smarties, so I can complete my baking task of chocolate cupcakes. But now, with the pressure off, I am taking the afternoon off with the family and going to swim in the beautiful clear fresh water of the Blue Lake and forget about it for a while. Probably the best thing to happen I suppose.

Quote.

2008-03-15T21:24:00.002+13:00

Also, and I quote: "No-one is not cuddly"...from Mia as she snuggled up with her parents in their bed one cool morning. She nailed a double negative with no problems!

conversations with my 4 year old daughter.

2008-03-15T20:39:00.003+13:00

Mia had been pretending to turn 5 a few months after she had turned 3. Playing "party party" is great fun. Why FIVE, you ask? What happened to FOUR? Well, she made friends with a 4 year old at her kindergarten who turned 5 and left to go to "big school" - it was a major event in Mia's life. Ever since she's been wanting to go to "big school" and bossing Joshka around in a loud 3-year-old teacher kind of way. "When is my birthday?" is an often asked question. To give her a sense of how much time has to pass before it's her birthday I go through the list: first it's David's birthday, then Lynley's, then Tom's, then Jojo's, then Joshka's, then it's Easter, then Oupa, then Daddy's, then Asha's, then Ouma, then Susie, then then then Christmas, then Elise's birthday, then Mommy's birthday, THEN it's your birthday. "YAY!" is her usual response...not the despondent "Aaaaw..." I expect. In any case she's 4 now and I usually let her know just before it's anyone's birthday - it's usually the time she goes to draw them a card. Off she goes and draws for a bit, which leaves me free to do whatever it is that requires my attention at that very minute.

Today I told her it was nearly Jojo's birthday. And guess how old she will be? She will be 60.

An intake of breath...an incredulous look upon her face...a shy smile, and then her question: "Is that nearly a dead-year-old?".

Two milestones.

2008-02-27T12:53:00.003+13:00

Yesterday morning I awoke from my deep sleep to the sound of little voices chatting in the room next door. I felt disorientated and confused. I'd been having interesting "story" dreams which seemed to have ended too quickly, but more than that was the feeling of "what's going on?" The room was light; it was definitely morning time... Ben was away, so it was just me in the bed. I reached out, just to make sure, but it was cool and smooth, no traces of a body having recently left. The reason for my bafflement was simple: I had woken up naturally, without being torn from my dreams by my children crying out, or being tickled ever so gently on my face so as to be invited into my warm arms for a snuggle. "WHERE'S MY MORNING SNUGGLE?" I shouted to the other room.

"I'm snuggling with my brother" came the reply.

"What about ME? Where's MY snuggle?" I waited. Nothing. I couldn't believe it! In the last 4 years....I couldn't think of a time when the children hadn't needed us for something in the morning. I leaped up to go and investigate and sure enough, there the two of them were, in Josh's bed, chatting. (Josh is still not really talking, but making the appropriate noises). No arms went up to invite me in, no fighting over who could snuggle with me first - mostly I was met with disinterest.

Wow. I rather enjoy my morning snuggles. As long as they're not before 6.30am.

Furthermore, in the afternoon it was time for Mia's swimming lesson. Josh and I swam about in the pool and watched. It has to be said we are spoiled here with such warm swimming pools! More like a giant bath! After having just returned from out South African holiday, the difference in water temperature was most obvious. Anyway, I swam a bit with Joshka and kept an eye on Mia in her swimming class. I was astounded. There she was kicking beautifully behind a kicking board, head down, holding her breath for about 2 metres. i caught her teachers eye, and she acknowledged that Mia was doing really well. Fetching the starfish from the bottom of the pool was also not a problem at all- down she went, head submerged, to retrieve it. I was most impressed and can only attribute this new found confidence in her swimming to all the fun we had in South Africa. We swam in many pools and even invested in a "pollyoter" floatsuit while we were there. I'm not a fan of floatation devices, but I think this particular one gave Mia confidence and let her experience the swimming movements without worrying about sinking. After her lesson I dished out a ton of praise on my little swimmer and beamed when she said, "Finally! I learned how to swim!" We swam about for a further 30 minutes and it was only by means of a food bribe that I got her out of the pool (muesli bar).

Next week Mia is moving up a class, from Tiny Turtles to Starfish.

Thanks to all our swim buddies in South Africa!

This is wher my heart still lies.

2008-02-09T00:34:00.000+13:00

I am half way through my holiday in South Africa; it's bittersweet. I love it so. I love my family and my friends. I dread leaving. At the same time I am aware of the ever present danger that lurks - every one talks about it. The trees are taller and the walls are higher, "trellidoors" abound and alarms beep-beep-beep to register every opening window or door. Cars automatically lock when you close the doors and start the ignition.
I am glad that my children are as yet unaware of the lengths we go to keep them safe, and content that when we go home to NZ we will feel a heavy weight lifting.

Camping

2008-01-15T13:11:00.000+13:00

We are back from our first camping experience in New Zealand. Of course Ben has camped before, but actually he's never camped at a camping site. His parents have friends who own part of a little island off the east coast where they really rough it, which is where they've always gone over the summer holidays (if possible). This time however, we headed off to Waiotahe to a little camping site right next to the beach. We were expecting to pitch our tents, but were pleasantly surprised by the (permanently parked) caravan and lean-to which accommodated an extra 4 people that had been booked for us. We had loads of space! Ben's parents and his sister were there too which was fabulous: each adult had a turn to relax as the others played with/amused/read to/swam with the children. The weather was superb and the down time great.

STOP PRESS. I ran. Along the beach.

Now, I just want you to know I've always maintained, and still do, that I am not designed for running. I have no issues with playing volleyball or netball because there are short bursts of running, not ridiculously long stints like in soccer or hockey. My stamina is shot, and I suppose i've always used my asthma as the excuse. But, the point is: I RAN! And walked. And ran again. Well, it's a start, and it made me feel good about myself. I tried a brisk walk with Ben's sister the next day which I felt was incredibly hard and which hurt much more. I am still complaining about my sore hip to Ben and I reckon it's the brisk walk that did it. I just couldn't get my legs to move as fast as Elise's! It was hard. In fact, I'd rather run/walk/run.

Living here in Rotorua wouldn't have been my first choice 3 years ago, but now that we have settled in, we are really starting to enjoy all that it has to offer. There is no traffic to speak of - everything is within 5-10 minutes away. There is a beautiful Redwood forest to go walking/mountain biking/running in and lovely lakes to walk around or swim in. Today we chose to go for a swim in the 'Blue Lake' which was superb and tranquil. We had it all to ourselves until the Rotorua Walking Group stopped for lunch on their walk around the lake. Nevermind, they were fine, and oh-so-quiet once they held their food in their hands! Mia and Josh happily played in the water (Mia the Mermaid and Josh the crocodile) (best friends).

Lost it.

2008-01-04T18:44:00.000+13:00

It's a shame I don't have a dictaphone in my head for all the blogs I compose during the day. I had a great one today while hanging up the washing - it made sense, was pertinent, humorous- but now it's lost. I've already deleted a few lines that I started with because it wasn't really me talking; more like me trying to write something I read somewhere. Drat. Now as i sit, I'm conscious of not having anything to say, but knowing I had SO MUCH a few hours ago when I couldn't sit down for 5 minutes. Even trying to ramble while I wait for the words to start flowing isn't quite working. Nevermind, I'll try another time.

I'm thinking of my little sister today, who is getting married. Congratulations Kathryn!

a biggie

2007-12-21T20:40:00.000+13:00

I'm considering moving the pictures I have mounted in the children's bedroom...two of them are above Joshka's bed, and after last night's earthquake, I realise it's probably not such a good idea. Not having grown up in a country prone to earthquakes, I gave no sinister thought to the positioning of prints and paintings, but now I'm having second thoughts. Last night I was reading somthing, lying on my bed while Ben was at the computer, when I felt the bed wobble and shake...like being at sea in a fairly large boat. It was a gentle rock with quite a big sway. I called out to Ben, who confirmed (calmly) that yes, he could feel it too. It wasn't too scary because it was a big, but gentle kind of quake, but what was striking was that it went on and on. Now, I am aware of how long a few seconds can be when one is in danger, or distress, or pain, or whatever, but this really did go on and on. I would guess a few minutes. The doors were swaying even after we thought it had finished. And there were no after shocks - this time. At first it was reported to be a 6.8 quake, but today that has been adjusted to 6.6. Still, a biggie. Luckily it had nothing to do with the two plates colliding (that's the BIG ONE everyone's waiting for) and it was deep and offshore. No tsunami threat either. It wasn't that close to us either. In Gisborne some of the older buildings didn't fare too well but overall it stood up well to the earthquake. So my hat off to the architects and builders around this end of the world.

Furthermore, if rain were snow, we'd not only be having a very white Christmas, we wouldn't be able to open the door to go outside. WHAT AN INCREDIBLE DOWNPOUR! We couldn't hear the TV over the roar of the rain pounding the roof. My vegetable garden looks happy though. I am wondering when we'll get our first tomatoes.

In a kind twist of fate, Ben is not rostered on to work over Christmas or New Year at all. That's so good because the children are at such a cool age and Christmas is so much fun for them. It would be sad for him to miss it. Also, the family are keen to all come together and be close and supportive for this, our first Christmas since Kyla died in May. She is missed and loved. It will be sad, but important, to laugh and cry and talk and share her this Christmas. I am looking forward to being with everyone.

Christmas is actually quite fun now that I've had children! (And now that I am settled in one place and have a bit of a routine going.) We were going to find a tree to cut down, but in the end I opted (sensibly I think) for a fake, made in Vietnam, tree which will no doubt have a limited lifespan, but which won't make my eyes water and my nose run and my face itch. Once the tree was up, Ben urged me to put the presents under it, but I was confused: I thought Father Christmas/Santa was supposed to deliver all the presents. No, says Ben, the presents are under the tree (e.g. Mommy and Daddy's present to Mia, Daddy's present to Josh etc) and on Christmas Eve, the stockings get hung up and Santa puts little toys and trinketty things in there. That's the Santa magic. As someone who never had a stocking or quite understood the need for one, it makes some sense, but it is all quite bewildering, this parent business. What do you buy into? And what if you have completely different ideas about religeon and special occasions like this? In my memory of Christmas, the whole stack of presents appeared during the night. I remember leaving out a glass of milk for Father Christmas, and a biscuit or something, but my Dad saying he was sure Father Christmas would prefer a whiskey...and do you know!? He was right!! The whiskey was gone in the morning, but the milk was still there. I think there were a few crumbs too.

Once the children are older and disillusioned with Santa (everyone here talks SANTA - not Father Christmas, very hard for me!) I imagine that leaving the presents under the tree beforehand is ok. We shall just see how it goes! We're off to the in-laws for the next few days over Christmas and I'll do as the Romans do...

Perhaps next year I'll be a little better organised and send out some Christmas cards. In another cool twist of fate, Ben's work partner informed him they'll not be working Christmas next year either!

Get well David

2007-12-05T13:26:00.000+13:00

Mia wanted to make Davidy (her affectionate name for David, her grandfather) a get well card today, because he's had to go back to hospital. She decided he would like a picture of Winnie-the-Pooh, Piglet, Rabbit, Owl, Tigger and Eeyore.
She wanted my help to draw them - she said she didn't know how! But then we talked about what each animal looked like and everything was fine! Piglet has little pointy ears, Pooh has roundy ears, rabbit has long ears, owl has no hands, just wings, Tigger has a tail (of sorts) and smallish ears and finally Eeyore (who we nearly forgot) has four legs and no arms. And this my friends is the wonderful result!

(From left to right:Owl, PIglet, Rabbit, Pooh, Tigger, Eeyore.

A winner

2007-10-30T12:05:00.000+13:00

After her bath, Mia put on her new 'Dora the Explorer' T-shirt and her ballet skirt (over her pyjamas) on condition she take them off before going to bed (as agreed before her bath). She came up to me and told me she wanted to be Cinderella, "Did you know," I asked her, "that Cinderella has a mean and nasty Mum and two very ugly sisters??" She nodded, sincerely. "Would you like me to be the horrible, mean old Mum?". More nodding. "OK" I said, with a frown on my brow and a snarl in my voice, "YOUNG LADY, have you made your bed?". Off she went, returning minutes later quietly seeking the next mean-mummy request. "PUT ALL YOUR TOYS AWAY this INSTANT!" bellowed the mean mum. Meek and mild MiaCinderella dutifully picked up and put away all the bits and pieces that were scattered around the house and under the couch.
At this point Ben came out of the shower wondering what the bellowing was about. Very soon his one eyebrow was raised and he said softly "I think we're onto a winner here..."
When the mean old mum had run out of orders, she magically transformed into the fairy godmother, who magically turned Cinderella's clothes into a beautiful Dora T-shirt and Pretty Pink Ballet Skirt...worthy of any royal ball. However, the fairy godmother needed to find some suitable pink and fluffy slippers to accompany this outfit, so off they tiptoed to the bedroom to find said slippers, which Cinderella gladly wore. (UNbelievable!)
While I was preparing Joshka(the ugly sister)'s bottle, I magically turned into the Prince at the Ball who was lamenting the fact that he could not find a suitable princess with A Dora the Explorer T-shirt or ballet skirt, when, ASTOUNDINGLY, she appeared by my side. I handed the bottle to the other, bigger, ugly sister to feed the smaller one, while I danced with my Cinderella princess. Around and around we went, enchanted with each other. Very soon it was approaching midnight and she had to run away, losing a pink, fluffy slipper as she went. I picked up the slipper, holding it close to my chest, wondering out aloud what could have happened to my beautiful princess?
Naturally, the prince embarked upon an expodition to find who fitted the pink slipper. Could it be this wee foot of this little ugly sister? Too small of course. Could it be the foot of this big ugly sister? WAY too big. But wait! Who can that vision of beauty be emerging from behind the chair!? Surely SHE will fit this soft, fluffy, pink slipper? YES! It IS my Cinderella! We hug and dance around the lounge and...
LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. The end.
Teeth time! BEDTIME!
Mia wanted to play again and again, but we insisted that once a night is enough. I put them to bed, singing my usual (ba ba black sheep, twinkle twinkle little star, frere Jacques, Silent Night etc) while Ben prepared dinner outside on the BBQ for the 2 of us. They went down well and I felt good. It just shows how much can be achieved with 'make believe'!

Mr Whippy

2007-10-04T13:35:00.000+13:00

We've just had a beautiful sunny morning - crisp and clear. I took the children to the lakeside where Mia was lucky enough to ride 'Louise' the pony, while I walked around next to her, letting Joshka hold the rope and 'lead' the pony. Louise is the oldest and the matriarch of all the ponies (about 6?) so I knew I could do it by myself with no worries. 'Casper' on the other hand, is the sprightliest and fastest of all, needing his head to be held low, lest he bolt off in excitment. Mia made the choice - either the train ride or some food from the shop or the pony ride. Turns out my daughter has expensive taste! Never mind, it was lovely to be outside in the sun and in beautiful surroundings. We walked to the lakefront (a few metres) where some Asian tourists were feeding the black swans some bread. (We would never do something as irresponsible as that!) It made good viewing for the children and it was a great nature lesson too. We saw three new CYGNETS which tied in nicely with the book we have just returned to the library about baby animals. Geese, ducks, black swans, their cygnets and seagulls. And a helicopter. And a plane. Of course the mini (money making) train too. So all in all a great morning out. No grizzling when my 2 ponies had to get in the car to return home for the baby pony's sleep. ALL GOOD.

I've just heard the first MR WHIPPY of the summer! Oh bring on the sunshine and good times!
(The weather, true to the song "four seasons in one day" has turned and I am shivering here in my office. It'll be raining shortly. Luckily I've already brought in the washing.)

climbing the ladder

2007-09-28T19:17:00.000+12:00

We all went to visit Ben's dad in hospital today - he has been in a bad way with his back - and Mia took with her a drawing to give to him. A get well card I guess? In any case, it's a drawing of the two of them in the park, climbing the up the ladder to the slide (the big vertical scribble on the left) - and of him falling off (her understanding of why he has a sore back and is in hospital). It's a lovely drawing and I only just managed to save it before it was about to be cut up into separate little bits - Mia's favourite activity. Also featured in the drawing is a table of food - 2 tables in fact, and a merry-go-round (Mia called it a 'spinning top') (bottom right), a flower and a sun.

I've only just managed to get an entry in for the month of September - shocking!

Royalty

2007-08-30T20:02:00.000+12:00

Sadly a great big chapter in our lives in Rotorua has just ended with my mom flying back to Cape Town after spending 5 weeks with us. It was a quiet journey back from Auckland for me - a 3 hour drive through drizzle and rain, past sheep, cows, deer, horses, alpaca...countless rainbows, lots of trucks and a beautiful country landscape all the way. The silent echoes of a conversation that had taken place but hours ago, lingered in my thoughts. I could still smell her perfume in the car and imagine the pressure of our hug at the airport. It's always hard to believe we live so extremely far away - so far that it takes 2 days to travel here, or there. Hard to believe she was actually here!

Mia is excited about looking for Ouma on the computer again...or sending her drawings...my favourite quote so far was while we were in the garden: Mia wanted to collect some fallen pink petals to send to Ouma, along with her drawings, "so she can send us more presents and more love". I had a good giggle. Ouma is still very much part of our lives. Sadly she wasn't around this morning to hear Joshka say, "aMA, aaaMA, aaaouMA, ouMA". But luckily she has heard it before (having coaxed and coached him with it for 5 weeks!). The kindergarten staff, the playgroup regulars, the developer next door, Mia's school friend's mum - they're all asking after you Mom. The "fancy lady" - since everyone thought Mom looked so 'fancy' ie. dressed up. It's all tracksuits and jeans here! Anyhow, I will send the said drawings of Mia's to my mum, but not before including them here.

When Mom arrived, Mia was very much into the "Princess" stage - on a par with being a ballerina - and was keen to marry a prince. Resident Prince Ouma was around every day - sometimes 3 times a day - to "marry" Princess Mia, but not before being made to wait a "day" or 2. They would have to (pretend to) go to bed, wake up, eat a delcious (pretend) breakfast and then proceed to get married. Usually the bride would never get round to actually marring the prince because she would be talking and bossing and shouting directions/script/procedures/plot to all and sundry who would try with all their might to distract her and perhaps fill her mouth with some real food to stop the verbal onslaught. Since befriending a chatterbox at school, Mia suffers, at times, from verbal diarrhea. Anyway, Mia deemed it appropriate to draw, and cut out, pictures of her and Ouma with their crowns on. Which I find delightful!

I think the one 'fat' leg of Oumas is her sore leg (the one she bashed on the corner of a heater). I love the knees. And boobs. The other circles are the "bits which bounce"...nice!

The popularity stats

2007-08-21T10:27:00.000+12:00

Mia blew kisses to her Daddy while he mowed the lawn - "Because I love my DAD! I love him THIS much," she said, showing me the five fingers on her hand. "And I love YOU...THIS much!" holding up four fingers.

I smiled as I remembered a conversation I had with my mother (who never let me forget it!) about how I loved my Dad "as much as the SKY" and I loved my Mom "as much as the mountain".

quakes, limpets and princesses

2007-08-07T12:43:00.000+12:00

Well I've been aware for a while that I needed a proverbial kick up the bum to start my blog again...and what do you know!? My first earthquake. Something to write home about! Sadly I couldn't get in a clever comment like "did the earth move for you, darling?" since I completely missed the first one (tending to a crying Josh in his cot) and when the next and the next ones came Ben and I were sitting on the couch watching tv. The pictures on the wall rattled a bit and we shook a bit, but nothing worse than a bit of turbulence in a plane. That's exactly what it felt like. Like being on a plane when you descend/ascend through the clouds. Of course I'm only talking about a minor quake (3.4 and 3.3 on the Richter scale) and have no aspirations to report back from a major one.
I was quite excited that my mom was here to experience it with me, but she's already experienced a big one in SA in '69 so this wasn't exactly gripping stuff for her! I'm thankful for the house (and all buildings here in NZ) that are built to withstand the quakes. I've always loved the majestic latent energy of the earth - when we get little glimpses of it - thunderstorms, avalanches, rough seas... and now, earthquakes.

On the home front, Joshka is my biggest fan. He totally loves me and I am his favourite. It's nice to be so popular, but it can be tricky getting things done. He's particularly determined to be helping me with whatever task I am busy with and will dutifully, determindly and quietly fetch a stool to step up on, so he can see and participate. He is particularly fond of doing that when I'm in the bathroom, on the toilet...he will place the stool in front of me and climb up to stand on my knees. If I DARE close the door beforehand, all hell breaks loose and the doorbashing begins (with stool). Similarly, should I devote too much attention to Mia, he becomes somewhat distraught and tries to climb up my legs thereby pushing Mia away. Luckily I have two arms and two legs to hold two squirming children competing for my attention, but mostly I have to just disentangle myself and walk away.

Mia is still (s-i-g-h) obsessed with pink. And princesses. And ballerinas. And getting marrried. Gone are the days of her being 'Piglet' or 'Pooh' or 'Noddy'...now she is Maid Marion who wants to marry Robin Hood, Cinderella, or some other princess who wants to get MARRIED. One day she wouldn't walk to kindegarten because the prince (Joshka) and her weren't married...so I made them hold hands and asked Josh if he would take Mia's hand in marriage. He dutifully nodded (which is almost like a bow) and then I asked Mia if she would take his hand, to which she replied 'Yes' and I said, " I now pronounce you man and wife...can we go to school now?" So off we went. I then made the mistake of hoisting prince Joshka onto the red horse (pram) and galloping to school. Princess Mia was most unhappy and wailed all the way down the road until I made a compromise and told her she could get a ride on the horse and the prince could walk, once we got to the corner... I almost wish I hadn't done that because now her favourite game with my mom is to get married. My mom is now the prince and Mia is a serial marrier. About 3 times a day. This morning she wouldn't get dressed in her lovely stripey tights and new pants because she didn't want to be an UGLY princess! She kicked and screamed and performed. Ben and I both tried, Hard. In the end, she went to school in jeans and a pink T-shirt with pink fleece. She looks good in pink, but is severely obsessed! This morning she told me "I wish, with all my life, I could have a jacket with Cinderella on it,...like Susanyah's at school..." Grief. She doesn't feel pretty unless she has a skirt or a dress on - preferably both. Ho hum. It's weird for me because not only did I never play with dolls, I also never aspired to be a 'bride' - I never planned a wedding, I hated dresses...in fact I didn't even think I would marry. I suspect having parents who were divorced played a role in it, but still, I've never been a girly-girl and it's quite hard to manage one.

Milly vanilli

2007-07-10T20:25:00.000+12:00

As I bounced up and down trying to lull Joshka into a sleep-ready state, singing "Twi-i-nkle, twi-inkle li-itle sta-a-ar, ho-ow I wo-onder wha-at you a-are..." I just couldn't get out of my mind how pop stars manage to sing on stage - live - while cavorting all over the place. How can that somersault/kick/jump/shimmy not affect that note?
They must be faking it.

humour

2007-07-02T13:04:00.000+12:00

"Mummy? What's this?" asked Mia (indicating to the furry pink slippers, one on each of her hands, palms together, in a prayer position).
"Um...a fish?" I tried, as she wiggled them a little.
"A SLIPPERY FISH!" yelled Mia, delighted.

a rainy day

2007-07-01T19:58:00.000+12:00

Well, it's not nearly so freezing any more - heaps of rain now though. Our house is in the middle of a swampy garden...the water table has risen and the drains smell bad...but we have no leaks, so all is good. We listened to the Beatles today, had soup, did puzzles, read books, listened to the radio, made castles out of cardboard and eggboxes, played silly chasing games, had the brandy snaps we baked yesterday...a real winters day... Too bad we didn't read the Sunday newspaper but that's just silly with 2 young children - a bit like trying to read it with a cat who insists on sitting just where you're trying to read, purring with the knowledge that they've definitely caught your attention. Also, a bleak day for a New Zealander who fancies the All Blacks as World Champions or who expects the America's cup to 'come home' - so probably better there was no newspaper to analyse.

the big chill

2007-06-28T19:23:00.000+12:00

It's been bitterly cold here - absolutely freezing. Bone chillingly cold. I am wearing my snowboarding socks and my snowboarding thermals. If I walk into the back section of the house, where the heating ISN'T, my breath gets taken away. But surely I can cope with this after 5 years of London winters? Or 4 winter seasons in St Anton, Austria as a skibum? Apparently not. Admittedly this is NOT the coldest I've ever been. No. Positively balmy compared to the -26°C I experienced with Ben on Stuben, North Face (down the road from St. Anton) - not factoring in windchill either. My god that was cold. Snowboarding down was just amazing - it was fresh powder with no-one about (who would in such temperatures?)(us) - a rare occurence to have such a pristine slope to ourselves. Going up though, was a different story. The metal chair lifts were exposed, slow and in the shade...the lifties handed out blankets as we got on (I took two - legs and body) and I remember cursing and complaining: "This is not bloody HUMAN! What the hell are we doing?". Getting off at the top of each of the chairlifts - there were 3 to get where we were going - while always a bit of a test on a snowboard, with 2 blankets wrapped around me, was tricky. But I did it. And when I reached the bottom of the run, Ben would ask: "Again?" and I would reply, "Hell yeah!". We had great fun that day. We even managed to take some photographs, which was torturous since I had to take off my gloves! But it was well worth it and character building, of course. Going home was a long process - painful at times. The only part of my body that was exposed was the tip of my nose right under my goggles. I had a neck warmer pulled right up but try as I might, I could not cover that teeny weeny bit. At one point (we were just going as fast as we could to get home) we stopped to assess whether any damage had been done to my nose and Ben, (BLESS HIM!) sucked the tip of my nose back to life! Ha ha. I worked that night in the restaurant with a Rudolf red beacon of a nose. It was worth it for a day I'll never forget.

So no, not that cold. I guess central heating plays a large part in the equation too. We don't have it. Luckily, we have a heat pump, which is pretty fantastic - it does the trick quite fast. Less mess than a fire and not at all smoky. It's just that we don't have a heat pump in every room! Nevermind, I have an electric blanket now, which is something neither Ben, nor I, have ever aspired to buying. But hey, you gotta do what you gotta do!